Quote: Part of the problem is that he thinks that doing my HoneyDo jobs is "taking care of me".
My bf is definitely an AOS guy. He will DO anything for me at the drop of a hat, from getting me a drink of water, feeding the dog, running to the grocery store, to planting 10 trees last weekend. I agree it doesn't take the place of lustful looks and deep kisses... BUT... in my marriage to my late H, you may remember that he was disabled (plus his first W was Mrs. Hairdog and a real "my way or the highway" type. She had her way of doing things and any other way was WRONG, so he stopped doing anything).
So I was responsible for EVERYTHING-- laundry, lawn, household repairs, clothing and grocery shopping, cooking, electronics, bill paying and paperwork, cleaning, pets, the temperature the thermostat was set at, absolutely EVERYTHING. He never learned how to operate the VCR, or a computer. He was a smart guy with an MBA, but was depressed and did not involve himself in the running of the household. (He was quite competent and independent in what he considered "his spheres"-- hunting, fishing, and pottery.)
So now that I'm with a man who cheerfully and competently does his share of ALL of that stuff without needing to be prompted even a teeny little bit... I'm much more appreciative than if I hadn't had the experience of having all of the household burdens on my shoulders alone. My bf spots things at my house that are about to break down or fall apart and takes the initiative to go to Wal-Mart or Home Depot or someplace and get the stuff to fix it. Usually he pays for it himself, but if I find out it was a substantial amount, I reimburse him. I totally feel as though we equally share the management of our two households (with each of us having slightly more responsibility in our own home-- but even then, I do laundry at his house and cook, etc.) I know he does the chores that directly relate to me out of love-- I'm positive of it. He also sees it as "taking care of me," and in fact, that's what it is. So... it means a lot to me and I feel loved when he does it. Of course, I would also like to BE FELT UP.
P.S. On one of the first visits to my house... I used the bathroom after my bf, and I came out and said to him, "You did something in my bathroom that NO MAN has EVER done before in my experience." He braced himself for something icky, embarrassing, etc. Then I said, "You changed the roll of toilet paper." (And it's true. No guy, including both my husbands, my one live-in, and my one other long-term, had ever done that.)
