Good morning, Andy.

I sat outside in the dark last night, trying to figure out how to nudge my H off his nice emotionally detached pillow.

I remembered something I said to him immediately before our trip to Florida this past July.

I don't remember the source but the saying was "the spouse who cares the less controls the relationship".

Andy, I should wash my mouth out w soap. Sage loves power. As long as he cares less than me he has that power, that control, and he can nonchalantly act as selfishly as he chooses. . .cause he knows I love him and that I'm not going anywhere.

I realized that you really are in the same situation. Your wife knows, consciously or unconsiously that she is in control of your relationship.

In my case, I am working through by turning things over to God. I'm trying to use DB techniques to help me control my actions so that I don't get in God's way.

You are using DB techniques only, right?

Tell you what, if we see some sort of miracle happening w Sage then you let me know and I'll turn you on to a couple of biblical resources.

'Til then, the question is, what's the not in control spouse to do?
*******************

The flirting at the coffee counter. . .Sage is an actor remember? It could have been a titilating experience but it was flat and unemotional on his part.

I will make myself do it again. Sage is going to say that I'm being fake cause I stopped responding to his flirtations a long time ago.

I'm going to tell him that I'm "honing my skills" and not say anything else.

Andy, somehow, someway, you and I have to figure out how to break this mindset that your wife and Sage are in emotional control of our marriages.

I think that my situation is a tad more severe. Your wife is emotionally detached; Sage is emotionally divorced..

Your wife may be comfy in her detachment. Sage wants to come back but isn't feeling pain via detachment.He told C he knows he can fix this; he can't 'see' how to do it but with enough time and no hassles he'll put it together.

Dear sweet time. Slow time.

Sage and I are wine makers! Dandelion and mulberry are my personal favorites! Sage grows his own grapes to make stuff too. I want to make and drink some mead before I die.

I love the sweet mulberry wine the best. Don't drink anymore but love to give the bottles away.