Quoting rmccord: My question is how can they be so insensitive to our needs?
DO they really not know how they hurt us?
In answer to your second question, Rachael. No. They don’t.
And that pretty much answers your first question, too.
Why is this so? Partially because they’re comfortable with us. If they aren’t comfortable, then they want to be, so they’re acting as-if they are. The difference is that DBers act as-if in order to change their own attitude, whereas most people act as-if in order to change others.
Will Adrian ever put you first? I don’t know, Rachael. He may never put you first wrt his actions, but something you have to realize is that despite what he does, you’re first in his heart.
Something I never posted before is that when my W was spending all of her time with MF, I consoled myself with the fact that there was no A. Not even an EA. She had no desire for him. Didn’t show affection towards him, and didn’t want to have sex with him. She only preferred him over me for doing platonic things.
But then, she lost her affection for me. I had no special place for her. It felt like an A to me.
Her perspective was, “No harm – no foul.” She was not having an A. He was a friend who happened to be male. If I had a problem with that, it was my problem. She wasn’t doing anything wrong.
She’d be right, too if not for the fact that things had gotten so bad between us she no longer felt she could confide in me. He was her best friend and confidant.
I had to suck it all in, Rachael. It hurt. It hurt bad. But, because of my going dark on this issue, she now feels safe to confide in me.
The moral of the story… Pay attention, Rachael. This is important.
I acted as-if she was right until she was right! Now, he’s a close friend to her, but I’m her best friend. I’m her husband. I’m important to her.
The boxer still feels the pain from those days, but he’s still hangin’ in there.