Was I ever the villain? It doesn’t matter, Steph. What matters, is that at one point, she thought I was. To make matters worse, she thought I was casting her in the role of villain.
That kind of projection tends to become reality. The only way out is to stop believing it, and behave in such a way that your spouse will stop believing it too.
We’re on the same team now, and I intend to do whatever it takes to keep it that way.
Sometimes, that means stuffing my feelings. I vent her on the BB. That’s a tool I can use to avoid venting to her. You see, there are reasons that W doesn’t always treat me the way I’d like. I can’t start demanding it. That only promotes a we/they attitude. I want to be we/we.
As I mentioned, our morning coffee routine has fizzled. I miss it. Should I complain?
Well. This morning, W apologized for not participating. She’s just too tired. I told her that I understand. I really do understand, too. I miss it, and the tendency is to feel rejected. From my perspective, she doesn’t seem to make much of an effort. But I have to remind myself that she has to take care of herself first and foremost. I guess I just want her to acknowledge that something’s missing. If I had complained, it would have forced her into it. This way, it was genuine.
On the affection front, I don’t completely understand why it’s so difficult – despite her fatigue – to show a little affection. But since it is, I just have to stuff that too.
She lets me hug and cuddle a little. I dream of the day when it will come from her.
Things are better for us. Things have the potential to get even better. I can’t start whining my way into her arms. It don’t work that way.
