Andy, how did your wife used to express her anger? Before Son#2 was dx?
Can you find the moment to be in the moment w her and simply say "I am concerned." Let her see only love in your eyes when you say that. That might be the springboard.
Andy, back when I was so angry w Sage he was not supportive; he looked for ways to push my buttons. He loved me but he was stuck in his anger-feeding mode.
If only he'd been able to say that he was sincerely concerned about the turn toward parallel lives we were making and that he knew we needed help to turn the situation around. I might have heard him.
That guy friend of hers serves as an "exit" in preventing her from focusing on her relationship w you. There are guys who become workaholics and detach from helping w the family. The wife makes a stand that he's needed at home. He either maitains his course or he closes that exit and starts staying at home more. It just kills him; he thinks he's gonna "die" cause he givs up what he liked to do. Time passes and he doesn't die but discovers that what is at home is real too. He gets to where he likes it.
Andy, how to get the guy to scram? He really ought not to be hanging out w other gender friends. He's using your wife to fulfil his conversational and quality time needs. He's taking her from time w you. You are bending over backwards here. Something to brainstorm. What are your ideas?
