You're quite right in many respects, Rachael. I'm sure she does think about what she can do. I haven't posted it as much as I should have, but she does ask me about my feelings. To me, she doesn't appear to lack motivation. If DBing has got me anywhere, it's to show her that I care. Not just about me. Not just about us. But about her. I know she's not indifferent.
But it takes more than motivation, time, or space to feel and give love and affection.
It takes energy. Not a lot of energy, but chronic, constant exhaustion has depleted her.
I've posted about my own exhaustion. I've posted about how it drove me into deep depression, and I've posted about how my efforts to alleviate my W's stress pushed me to the brink of a renewed depression. If my efforts to help her can do that to me, how can there be any hope for her to regain even a modicum of energy for love?
How can you have a feeling (love) when your feelings are dead?
That's why I'm not so confident that it WILL get that far.
