I would like to put my 2 cents in here that I have thought about for a long while now.
My mother and father divorced 30 years ago. My father of course was having an affair - which he later married the woman. My mother is remarried to the man that she had lasted dated before marrying my dad (30 years before).
My mother has been happily married for 20 years now and my father (married to the woman that ended his marriage to my mom) have now been separated for about 5 years and have not spoken at all.
I have talked to my father over the years and he has told me that my mother was the love of his life and that he had made a very big mistake in letting her go - but that he could not, back then, ask her to take him back because he was afraid of rejection. I think this was due to the fact that my mother would not have any communications with him at all for any reasons.
Recently, my step-mother has called me (I have not spoken to her in years) and told me that she had been thinking about me alot and wanted to know if I was ok. I told her that I was not - that my H had recently left for my "friend" of 35 years - and that I was totally devistated. She than began to tell me that the relationship between my H and the OW would never last. As her and my father's relationship had ended, due mostly to stress about 2 people being seriously hurt by their actions (my mom and her H), their relationship is doomed from the start. She stated that Karma is a wonderful thing in taking care of people who hurt other people.
Now mind you that my parents had no contact after the divorce papers were signed (no need as my brothers and I were already grown and on our own). The first real contact my parents have had since their divorce was unfortunately about 5 years ago when my younger brother died suddenly and unexpectedly that they had to be together to make funeral arrangments. My mom was very cold (she blames my father for his drinking problem that killed him) and he was very distraught. What I am getting at is that beneath all this I really believe that my parents still love each other in some way. My father's pride and guilt and my mother's pride and stubborness kept them - I think - from ever reconcilling.
Please leave at least a window open and first and foremost - take care of yourselves and your children. Even though we were older and on our own - the divorce still effected my brothers and I to some degree.
I guess I just had to put this in writing for myself and hopefully maybe some of you will gain something from this that may hopefully give you some hope. I know that I need that more than anything since I have not seen or spoken to my H in more than 4 months (he's not allowed by her orders - no trust I guess )
) 
