Hi everyone. I had a thread over here a time back, but I also had a thread on Surviving and didn't keep up with this one well enough. I still have my thread on surviving, but don't feel that I am getting what I need there. Most are moving on with their lives, and I suppose that I have too, to a point. Still, it's been 4 years since my X left--5 months since our D. I am having a hard time letting go of him emotionally. We were married for almost 20 years when he left, together 22. He has been living off and on with the bimbo that he left me for--the old hag--but also kept me strung along for quite some time thinking that he still actually felt something for me.
It really hurts when you finally realize that they don't care anymore--or at least just don't love you anymore. I think that I am finally coming to that realization--but I can't seem to stop having feelings for him.
I see him quite a bit. We have three boys--15, 12 and 8. But he doesn't really come around as much as he used to since the D. He has a new life now with the bimbo--and I guess the new life is just easier than trying to fix the mess he made of the old one.
Anyway, I've been feeling down lately--knowing that I need to let go of my past and move on. I just have no desire to date--and honestly when a man shows interest, I literally want to run screaming. I guess when the right one comes along, I won't feel that way....but I just wonder if I'll let the right one in. I feel broken. I am broken.
My X was at the house today. He has been helping me set up a swimming pool for the boys. He also had the boys all weekend and was dropping them off. He was here about 2 hours....but he talks to me very little. Sometimes I wonder how someone can just stop feeling anything for someone they were with for so long. I don't think that I was a bad wife, and I don't think that we had a horrible marriage. I think that things happened to him emotionally and he made some wrong choices--at least wrong for me--may be everything he wanted.
Sorry, rambling.
I guess I need to be here because I am trying to rebuild me. And since we do have the boys, I have to deal with him all the time, and need the support in doing that. It's emotionally painful for me to see him, because I miss him so much. I miss us. Don't know if I will ever feel what I felt for him for another man, and that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life---but I never pictured it without him either.
Hi, I totally know what you mean by missing him and longing for the relationship. I am not divorced yet but he's got us well on our way. I didn't realize I wanted to save the marriage until it was too late, according to him. He's met someone else and he even thought it ok to tell the kids about her. I'm devastated and am having a hard time getting through the day. He does the same thing when he's around me he just doesn't talk to me. It is killing me and any suggestions anyone can make about how to cope, would be wonderful.
Anyway, I've been feeling down lately--knowing that I need to let go of my past and move on. I just have no desire to date--and honestly when a man shows interest, I literally want to run screaming. I guess when the right one comes along, I won't feel that way....but I just wonder if I'll let the right one in. I feel broken. I am broken.
It takes time to get back into the dating scene, takes time to heal. After my D it took me a year until I even had anything to do with another woman. Just didn't feel like dating.
I would go out and do things with my friends, or by myself. But had no desire to date. Was happy being by myself and working on finding out who I really was. Trying to figure out what I wanted out of life and the type of person I would want to share that with.
After I got to the point of knowing who I was and what I was looking for I started to open up. I was happy with the type of person I was and confident in myself. Because lets face it, nobody will stick around very long if you don't have faith in yourself.
So what you say about "being here to rebuild yourself" is exactly what you need to do. Don't worry about finding or feeling that way about someone else. In time you will, but you can't dwell on that now. Work on the present and the future will unfold for you.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
Quote: It really hurts when you finally realize that they don't care anymore--or at least just don't love you anymore. I think that I am finally coming to that realization--but I can't seem to stop having feelings for him.
YEP!!! I've had a very hard time w/ this b/c XW keeps saying things that make it clear she blames me for all that's wrong w/ her life... And everyone else can see that she has "issues". I can't do anything about that. Sucks huh?
Quote: Don't know if I will ever feel what I felt for him for another man, and that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life---but I never pictured it without him either.
And this scares me too. I've been dating some and there is one particular person... but I have not been able to allow myself to let that go anywhere. Like you, my core values/beliefs had me thinking we would ALWAYS be a couple, warts, difficulties and all. I just know that D sucks even worse than I ever imagined it would.
Hi DNO, I am struggling with how I will deal with seeing my H once my baby is born - we will probably be divorced in a couple months, if that. I am BF so he won't be able to take the baby (I don't think) - so that means I'll have to see him and spend time with him - granted, only on a biweekly basis - but I am still dreading it. I don't understand how they can choose to let something so wonderful die - but I too need to focus on rebuilding me. I can't imagine being with anyone else, and hate the whole dating scene, but I loved being a wife, and want that again. I guess its just a matter of time and healing and growing...
Me:30
WAH:31
M:5 yrs
Tog:6.5yrs
Baby boy (Jaden) on the way - due in January
Bomb: 5/3/06
D official: 10/12/06
Click on my name to find my old threads - couldn't figure out how to fit them here!
I'm sure this won't be any consolation, but maybe it will be useful to know that life does go on.
I have been divorced from my first wife for almost 10 years. Wow, hard to believe it's been that long. We have two kids that I see frequently and am in their lives actively. I can tell you that for years now I haven't seen my XW as someone I had interest in. The love dies. There comes a time that you don't even remember being in love at one point with this person. After getting divorced (she divorced me) I felt as you do now. It's hard to believe I felt that way. I've loved again, a better, more fulfilling love. It was more difficult to reach that point, but I feel it was worth it because it was a more informed, "eyes wide-open" type of love. And yes, unfortunately I've divorced again, but fortunately I'm back together with my 2nd XW. I love her and see me with her til death do us part, I know that it is possible to love again, and love deeply, even though right now it doesn't feel that way.
But you have to let go of your spouse. It is true that if it's meant to be that they'll come back. But that too will happen over time.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
My husband told me on August 23rd he didn't love me anymore and he didn't feel the same for me and he has been feeling this way for a while now. Then 2 days later, he proceeds to call himself a F....ing loser but it was because of me. He is an orthpaedic spine surgeon, so I don't know how he could possibly feel like a F....ing loser. I don't understand any of this, i can't stop crying and I feel like my heart has been shattered into little bitty pieces! Thanks kym
Thanks for these words. I keep being told by friends my H and I may be able to get the D then get back together. HOLY CRAP how awful. Why go through it. What happended to committment? How did you two ever ge t it back and get over old hurts and heal wounds? We love each other but are both so hurt and angry things are so difficult we don't even talk hardly. He says he wants the D since he never sees it working again.
How long were you and your 2ndXW divorced? And how did you get back together? Also how did you forgive eachother for all the hurt you've been through with eachother? My H wants a divorce, but keeps saying "I'm not saying there won't be a chance for us in the future to work on things or we can always remarry" Which sounds crazy to me and like a bunch of crap. Did you ever say that?
Quote: "I'm not saying there won't be a chance for us in the future to work on things or we can always remarry"
My H, who keeps talking about filing for D (but hasn't done it yet) said something similar. He said that he can't rule out the chance of reconciliation, but that divorce papers wouldn't make a difference one way or the other. Who knows what the heck they're thinking!?
but I have not been able to allow myself to let that go anywhere. Like you, my core values/beliefs had me thinking we would ALWAYS be a couple, warts, difficulties and all. I just know that D sucks even worse than I ever imagined it would. 
t it back and get over old hurts and heal wounds? We love each other but are both so hurt and angry things are so difficult we don't even talk hardly. He says he wants the D since he never sees it working again.