Bridget here -- yikes, my name changed! (ok, one of my nicknames is dogggrrrlll)
Anyway, good thread, just what I need to contemplate.
My C brought up my codependency last week, said she sees it is hard to let go of because it rewards you: you get to feel important and people like having you take care of things (up to a point).
So taking a look at this with my C, I begin to understand two things: one -- I have always felt resentful that more people weren't JUST LIKE ME, givers all the time; and two -- I have an enormous amount of anger when I'm not appreciated for ALL I DO.
Hmm... this is insight. I might have to GIVE UP doing so much (and the importance it gives me) in order to stop resenting others and stop feeling angry and underappreciated all the time.
In C we're going to work on that. But I recognize I've already done a lot of detaching from my WAH. I've been DB-ing my you-know-what off and guess what? It's working.
I hold my breath when I say that, but you are supposed to count the small signs and there are many of them:
-- my H and I are spending a lot of time together doing normal, everyday things: have coffee, walk the dogs, snack
-- he calls me at work to say hi, sometimes offers to pick me up afterwards
-- he isn't snapping at me or being critical
-- I am not making snide remarks or innuendos
So here's another major change that ties to this thread:
-- tradionally I've been the one who pays attention to household needs and does household chores (it was a source of fights for years)
-- I did a 180 and stopped being so anal about tidiness; no longer do I clear the plates before we've finished eating, and (get this) today I noticed there were ants all over the trash can but I stayed on the deck, painting my toenails, instead of jumping up.
-- My H came in, noticed my pretty summer dress (and matching pink toenails) then called out: Hey, there are ants everywhere!
-- I just looked up and said Really?
-- And he bustled around dealing with the trash can, the trash bag, the hose, getting the dog out of the way, got ants up his arm, but was very satisfied: There! That takes care of THAT!
