Detaching is one of those words ( like divorcebusting ) that doesn’t sound right. I agree with the others that Duchess pretty much has it nailed down. I agree with her that responsibility/family comfort are not exclusive of loving detachment.
But detachment/attachment and dependence/independence aren’t black and white. You have too much attachment/dependence if you rely on one person for an extended period of time.
My W called me codependent at one point. How do you argue with that? What made it worse, is that it was true. She said I’d fall apart if something happened to her. This was also true. She said this as I was in the worst stage of my depression. I’d already fallen apart. Was it wrong of me to depend on her so much at that time? IMHO, it’s OK to be needy. It’s not OK to always be needy.
Having said that, I also understand that the OP isn’t always emotionally prepared to accommodate your neediness. My depression added immensely to her stress levels. She couldn’t cope with me and S#2 at the same time. She started showing signs of depression.
