I think I’m over my first big hump.

And, it only took 2 years of working on it, and 16 months on this BB [Roll Eyes]

The theory goes like this…

DBing is about you. Don’t worry about what your SO thinks. Learn to be happy so that regardless of the outcome, you’ll be OK.

So you work on being happy. You start by acting as-if your R isn’t your soul source of happiness, and of course, it shouldn’t be. Happiness comes from within. Your sense of self-esteem comes from within.

But, though most of you would balk at this, I have to say that throughout most of my adult life – which started in my early teens – my greatest source of pride has been my sense of responsibility. My greatest source of comfort has been my family.

When I married, and even more so, when I started having children, these traits were transposed to my W and children.

So when my W came of the opinion that I was selfish and domineering, my whole self-image was shot. I couldn’t take comfort from my traditional source, and I couldn’t be proud of something that was a lie.

My mission was to make that lie a reality.

I know it wasn’t really a lie, but I also learned that I wasn’t doing all that I was capable of.

I felt that I had to become – in my actions, the person that I was – in my ego.

My dilemma was to find out where I was falling short. In the case of my family responsibilities, the only person who could tell me was my W. But in true WAW fashion, she had given up on me. She had shut me out.

But I persisted. It was an extremely painful process, but after two years, I finally heard the words that I longed to hear:

“You’re very patient with me.”
and
“Don’t fret. Things are better. I Love you.”

So now, I’m just going to continue to do the things that have got me this far, and try to heal my own pain that was caused by this process.

In the clearing stands a boxer,
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame,
'I am leaving, I am leaving.'
But the fighter still remains

The Boxer
from the album Bridge Over Troubled Water (1970)
Simon and Garfunkel

Previous threads:

Andy's Story
We don't know how the future will turn out
Bringing the Walls Down with a Teaspoon
Struggling with Perceptions
Burying the Past
How can I listen if she won’t talk?
Goin’ with the Flow
Balance
Swan Dive off the Pedestal

Andy

Andy