Hi Lisa - found your thread interesting because of my own experience with thyroid disease. Just make sure your husband pushes his doctor to increase his dose until he feels great or is in the lower end of the TSH range (higher end of thyroid levels). I can tell you, it makes a huge difference for some people to get adjusted just a little bit higher. Check out my thread in newcomers for my story - "Valentine's Day massacre - take 3". Your husband sounds a lot like mine. Weren't you scared of the effect moving out would have on your kids? (not to mention possession of the house?) I'd love to go away for a bit and let my H find out what it would be like without me, but it would devastate my kids and my husband was abandoned by his mother as a teen so it would have bad memories attached too. So I am just trying to do 180's, act "as if", get back to being the fun "old" me, etc. - any suggestions? Ellie
Hi. I replied to you on my thread also. Anyway, I am so happy for you that you are doing well with piecing your marriage back together. How did you/or how are you working at forgiving your H for having an EA? I know it's so hard. You've given me hope! Jill
Jill - since you asked the question here, I'll put my two cents in here on forgiveness. First - you won't forget but you do have to let go.Especially in your case - this didn't happen because he's a dog who feels entitled to have multiple partners - it happened because he was lonely, felt he was losing the "old you", felt unappreciated, whatever - doesn't excuse it, but it came from a place of weakness in him. The other thought I had once is, men live in a completely different world in terms of opportunity. It is easy for us to say "oh, I'd never do that to my spouse" - but honestly, how much temptation is a housewife with kids subjected to? Imagine for a moment that you live in an alternate universe. In this universe, most women stay pretty fit and attractive into their 50's, while the men they marry frequently acquire large beer bellies and quit dressing nicely, etc. And imagine that when you go to the grocery store, that cute young checkout boy with the washboard abs makes it clear that he's available. And the handsome waiter at your favorite restaurant flirts with you and slips you his number? If this went on all the time - or at least the possibility was clearly there - would we really all be as virtuous as we claim? Especially if our sex drives were revved up to twice normal? I'm not excusing it, or saying it's fair - but try judging it from HIS universe instead of OURS. The only thing that will make you feel better in the long run is when you have a long history of loving behavior from him to look back on - just don't keep making him pay and pay in the meantime, or you will drive him away. For now - get your anger out in lots of exercise! Ellie
Hello tielbeagle, I am glad to read your story as it offers me hope. Would you mind stopping by my thread sometime and let me know what you think about my sitch. I'd be glad to listen to any advice. Thanks!
Current thread is: Patience For The W-A-L-K (Faith Part 4). I've been here since 11/28 I think, and the links to the previous threads are at the beginning.
I've been separated since 9/15. H ret'd and left again on 11/2. Thanks!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
LL - what difference would it make? Betrayal is betrayal. Read my story on "Valentine's Day massacre - take 3". The infidelity early in our relationship - it really wasn't the single night of sex that hurt so much as the 6 months of long distance communication and pining for her that he kept hidden from me. It's the lying and the emotional part of the affair that hurts the most - so it's really almost besides the point if it ever progressed to a physical affair. If it never did - well, that may show that he had enough respect for your marriage to hold off from that last step. If it did become a PA, and he's lying about it - well, he may be lying about it because he fears telling the truth would cost him his relationship with you. Don't focus on the wrong things - it was an innapropriate relationship that damaged your marriage, and you need to let him know that's not okay, even if it never did become a physical thing. Ellie
tielbeagle, I want to say thank you for stopping by my thread and giving me your input. Yes, I do think my H still loves me. During a period of about 2 1/2 months, H was an emotional wreck. I think he finally just made a decision that he was happier with the OW. This past month, I've seen signs that H still cares about me. H is also being polite, respectful, and communicating in a way so I won't be "mad" at him for anything. It is a 180 for him too.
The change in me must be affecting him, thus the change in him. That is all I am going on right now - the few baby steps offering hope.
My new thread is Still Doing the W-A-L-K. I hope you will stop by sometimes and give me your thoughs. Also, I will stop by here and check on you sometimes.
Thanks again! God Bless!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Thanks for inquiring, Yashie. Things are going quite well. what a difference this time has made. I credit this BB, the DR book and the queen Michele of course and praying to God that he would change me and soften my H's heart. Sounds you are doing quite well yourself, getting ILY's and all, way to go!! Lisa
