you're getting some great advice from our fellow BBers. A couple of things I noticed from your posts - you say your H is very needy and you're making a lot of allowances for this (to the point where you're walking on eggshells). I wonder whether this is just feeding his neediness or not? Does his neediness seem to be better since you started making allowances or worse? If it's the latter, you're into a cheeseless tunnel and ought to try a different approach (and keep trying till you find something that works).
The other thing is get a different MC if the previous one didn't work. Resolving circular arguments in an R is such a basic skill for a C to have, I would have thought you'd be able to find one that will be effective - try asking the DB staff if there are any they would recommend in your area
