Well, it's been exactly 6 months now since my H told me he didn't know if he was in love anymore. M 19 years this past April, 2 sons, 14 and 17. I was devastated to say the least. Never saw it coming. I would have sworn just the day before that he loved me, because he always acted loving. Oh we had our problems, bickering, arguing, silent treatment FROM ME (my specialty), He always got over stuff quick but after years and years of me pushing him away without even realizing it I guess I pushed too far. I wasn't interested in hiking and bike rides like he liked. Would always tell him to just go on without me. Big mistake. I had not been a very supportive wife. He never knew what mood to expect me to be in when he got home each day, most of the time not good moods. I suppose I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was at his announcement last Feb. but naive me I assumed that if I loved him then he loved me. I would always read and hear about how M's take a lot of work and I'd think to myself "nah, it's easy. no problem". Oh boy. Wrong thinking. I can look back now and remember all the times I was not respectful and sometimes downright mean and verbally abusive to him. He was always just the opposite. This is a man who always treated me very well. I set out to marry a man who wasn't going to treat me like my father treated my mother, verbally abusive, disrespectful. I got that man. And then I end up treating him like my father treated my mother. Fortunately I got DR from the library on Feb 22nd. It was like it was sitting there waiting for me. I got a lot of support from it. Even though I was reading that you aren't supposed to do the crying and pleading there still was a certain amount of that I did. This was always in emails. Then I'd get a big huge email back from him telling me how unhappy he's been for so long. That he didn't make himself fall out of love. That he holds out NO hope for us.Very painful words to read. At the same time telling me that if I ever want a hug or to hold hands to just do it-HUH?? I believe this is/was MLC, a mild one though compared to what I read here. He never did leave, we continued to sleep together( in all ways), he didn't want to hurt me anymore than he already did with the "bomb". he came very close to D'ing me. He thought the kids would be fine with it. It almost seemed as if his bomb "gave" him the ok to have his MLC. He was a mess after that and all the way into May. For those few months he was depressed, and the ups and downs were unreal. I moved out to a friends house for 1 month on April 20th to give us both space. I saw my kids nearly daily. Once H came home early and I was still at the house and he came over to me and was physically affectionate. Mixed messages galore this entire time. I knew that he wasn't as out of love as he had himself convinced. Oh he wanted to be. really tried to be. On May 6th he called me and asked me to come home. Not to start over with us but to get me back in my own house and back together with my sons. Such pride. It seemed like as soon as I came home he was more at peace and the ups and downs vanished. (Absence makes the heart grow fonder??) Later on in May he suggested us going to the Tetons, the sight of our honeymoon 19 yrs before. We had a wonderful time. In July we went away to a cabin in the mountains and that went very well too. Next month I have surprise dinner and over night planned in the town we met in 21 yrs ago. Now I go on those bike rides and hikes and have found that I really enjoy it. We get along better now than we have for many years. I can not go back to the way I was. DB'ing is for life. I haven't heard any ILY's since Feb but he is very loving and affectionate to me now.He knows I love him. There was EA but no PA. He swears that she was just a friend and that she would say the same. That has been terminated. He had to know he can't have both of us. Please hang in there fellow DB'ers and keep it up. It does work. What a difference this 6 months have made.
