Help, i wanna kill myself

[HappierAndHealthier]

Spoon, I guess that you are in a few places on the board. Pick one and stick with it. That’s not a criticism, just the easiest way for you and fellow posters to keep up. Don’t worry we will find you. Go to each thread and let us know which one you’ll be sticking with.

Army lingo, I know none of it, I find it humorous in my sitch as my H is in BCT and I should know something by now. That’s not why I am interested in you. I’m here solely for you. (I hit up NO-Hill for my military lingo)

Here’s what caught my eye:
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I swear to God and on everything that I lvoe that I have changed and am completely committed to making her happy and to our family
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I presume that this means that you believe in God. Get right with Him. Take the focus off your R. Work on you and your relationship with Him. Think of it as selfish if you want, but in the end, that is what is going to make you the best parent providing the best family for your children.
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all of the things that she wants are the same things that want. But she says she doesnt want them with me.
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right now with you being deployed, there is nothing that you can do to go out and enjoy a night with your wife, or let her be jealous in that sense. Ah, but .... we will get there, it’s a little early but honey there is lots of hope. For now keep your eye on the ball. The ball is your kids and God.
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She wont entertain any thought of us being together. I have called and begged and cried. I feel so worthless because I have blown my marriage. I have really loved her with all of my heart for the entire time that we have been together but because of my own issues I didnt show it in any way.
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Germany and Iraq are a bit far apart. Face reality (not to be cold) you are not physically together. If you want emotional connection. That is going to take time, trust and faith. Don’t call begging and crying. Get yourself together. Take care of yourself. You mention your own issues. Deal with them. Whatever they are. Get to the chaplain. Get to the board, get to some help for those issues. Be a parent and forget get about being a husband just for a little bit.

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I have let my pride and jealousy get in the way of loving the most important thing in my life.
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“Pride” I found a great web article on pride. I am not computer savvy at all. I did a link to it in COG’s thread in the separated forum a while back. Check it out. It was very helpful to me. It may be useless to you, but worth the read.
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people can change.
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True You have so much on your plate. You have a reality which not many on this board can relate to. Your changing. Keep that focus. And let your W make her own choice for now. If you call beg or plead all you are going to do is push her away. You’ve got a water balloon in your hand. You can
Gently hold on to it, by basically doing nothing but keeping your hands (heart) open
Throw it.
Squeeze it tightly to make sure that it doesn’t get away
which means that (a) it will pop, or (b) it will squirt out of your hands.

What do you want to do? Think of that water balloon when you want to call you wife. You can call, and when you do, ask her politely how she is doing and then ask to talk to your kids.


I really want to reiterate the request that you go to each thread that you started and let all of us know which forum you will be sticking with. We all care, and we will find you. I've been where you are at when it comes to hoping for advise from each of the forums. we all have, but the advise will come no matter what. You will be able to keep up better, and you are likely to get better more informative responses from other posters if they can follow your thread and know what advise you are getting from whom.