I need help. My wife and I have been married for 6 years this June, we have 3 children 5, 3, and 1. I am in he Army and currently deployed to Iraq for the second time. The first time I was deployed here my wife was pregnant with our second child. Our marriage has not been the best of mariages and I have been mentally abusive. I have done everything that can be done to wreck a marriage. I have cheated, abusive, uncaring and I have lost my wifes trust and love. Not to be on the defensive but wife has done many of the same things to me. Including cheating.
Before I deployed last year we were under the agreement that we would get divorced. But after a couple of months we decided to work things out. I went home on leave and it was wonderful. I have never loved my wife more and I am willing to do anything to be with her and stay married.
But to be completely honest, when I thought my marriage was over and I thought I didnt love her I talked to the woman i cheated on her with online and she found out. That set us back and we went back to we would never be together again and she wanted the divorce. I dropped all communicatin with the other woman. In my mistake she hated me all over again.
But after some time and talking to her she relented and we agreed to work things out again. But soon after my leave was over she began going out with her friends. She explained to me that her going out was a way for her to release and to be have fun till I came home. She was introduced to single men and married men and her and her friends began going out. that drove me crazy when her and friends(men and women) began going out to clubs together. She would lie to me and tell me it wass just women she was going out and I found out it was sother men also.
I also found out that she was using ectasy and was smoking marajuana on a daily basis. I worried about my kids and I was sworried that she was sleeping with another man. I began to call her all of the time and then I began to accuse her of cheating on me. And off and on she would say it wass over and that she was gone and that she didnt want to be with me.
The last incident of this was 3 days ago and she went to my unit and demanded that they send her back because we are stationed in germany. She has blown so much money over the last 4 months that she has completely broke us.
But during those times that she said it was over rin the last 4 months a few days later she said we would work things out and that she loved me.
But this time, I dont believe there is anything that I can do to change her mind. Her mind is completely made up. She still picks up the phone every time that I call and she still gets online with me when I ask. She says for me to give up hope that we will ever be together. i asked her if she believed that I lover her and she said yes. i ahve assked her before and she said she didnt think that I really loved her. I swear to God and on everything that I lvoe that I have changed and am completely committed to making her happy and to our family. but she says that there will never be an us.
She has told me that she wants to be happy, home, money , cars, and a career. That she wanst to be with someone who doesnt just sit on the couch or never wants to go out and do anything. I have had the biggest wake up call of my life and all of the things that she wants are the same things that want. But she says she doesnt want them with me.
She wont entertain any thought of us being together. I have called and begged and cried. I feel so worthless because I have blown my marriage. I have really loved her with all of my heart for the entire time that we have been together but because of my own issues I didnt show it in any way.
She says that she wants to be gone by the time I get back from Iraq and that she is going to the states. The incident that occured was that I was suspicious of her behavior and I did not have any trust in her. So i called her friends trying to find out information on what she was doing. Her friends told me things and I believed them. I condfornted her with some of the information but I also held some back. I held some back because of the information that I was getting I thought my children were in a dangerous situation and I asked them to find out if any of that was true because I did not want my children to be in that. Bottom line, it turns out that everything that they told me was untrue and that my wife wants to take the children because she believes that when i get back I am going to take the children from her.
I have let my pride and jealousy get in the way of loving the most important thing in my life. She still talks to me but any time that I bring up trying to get together and work this out she just gets mad and hangs up the phone or she doesnt answer and she doesnt love me.
I love her with all of my heart, and people can change. I know that I have changed and that if she would just give me the opportunityto show her that I have. But, it looks like that when I come back from Iraq in 2 months tht my wife will be gone with our children. I live in Germany and I will not be able to see our children on any ype of regular basis because wwe had talked about it and I reenlisted to stay in Germany for 3 more years. I reenlisted in the Army when I wanted to get out becuase we had talked about it and it wass the best thing for our family.
I wont be able to go home when I get back because I used all of my leave becasue a fmaily memeber died and I had to go back home and used all of my leave time. Sshe has spent all of the money and we got her a new car that has spent any money that we will have. So that, I wont be able to afford a ticket to the states for quite some time because I will be making paymenst to her.
I love her and I dont know how to go on without my family. I beg and beg her for a chance to make this work again but she is not going to give it to me. Im so sad and I feel like killing myself so that i dont have to face these problems when I get home.
I blew it and I destroyed the very thing that I wanted in the first place. I wish there wa something that I could say or do to prove to her that I ama changed man and I am totally committed to us. But she wont give me that chance and I dont know what to do. What can I do to get her back?
