You are right Matilda. It is my own guilt and I realize that some of the things that my wife told me were to push me away and to make it seem as if she were the bad person. I knwo that she has feelings of guilt over this and what it will do to our children, but she feels she hass to get out. I cant makre her stay(no matter how much I wish i could). The know the only thing that i can do is try and to survive this. But also, my own feelings of guilt ate something that i cant get over.
I destroyed everything. I totally hurt everything that I care about. All because of my twisted pride and my own insecurities. I am the lowest of the low. All i had to do wass pay attention to my wife during the time I had with her. instead i neglected my responsibilities as a husband, father, and man.
She told me yesterday that she has been sleeping with another man and that he was better than me. I wass so angry that she was doing this. I called her a piece of garbage. I am so ashamed. I belive that she just told me that to push me away and to make it easierr for her to leave, by having me believe that she is a bad person. WHAT HAVE I DONE!!? This divorce busting thing is not gonna happen for me. But, if you all dont mind, I would still like to post because you all are very insightful and you have been through these things. I wish there wass some way that I could apologize to her and make this better. It hurts that I know what my mistakes were, but that it is too late. i made my changes too late. How can I even think about anouther relationship when the only one I ever wanted was the one I had?
I deserve all of the pain and suffering that I feel in my heart. I desrve to be treated like I am a piece of crap. I am despicable and low. I hurt people, I hurt my family and now I have no family.
