I feel your pain man. I've been separated a little over 4 months. I went thru that agony too. I know it's hard to see, but it does get better. My wife didn't speak to me much the 1st 2 or 3 months. I didn't beg or plead, but I did bring up R talks quite a bit. emails, text messages. The whole 10 yards. I got the ILYBNILWY speach. Some things I did made her angry, and she shut me out completely. We have done a legal Sep. I think it was my fault because I pushed. One thing I've found to be true. As long as I didn't push, we could communicate. If I pushed just a little, bam back we went four steps. I have decided to go dark. It's the time I need for myself, and I think the time she needs to feel at least that I'm not a threat. I know I will be okay regardless to how things end up. Yeah, there's an ache. But it lessons everyday, every week. You W is hurting and confused. In her mind she is the victim. In her mind you owe her. But let me tell you something from experience. Negative feelings are exhausting. They drain your energy and your joy. We are examples of that. you and I and a lot of people on this board. Believe me it's exhausting to our W's too. You can't hold those kind of feeling in most cases for long without help. You find out you can't begin to live until you get rid of them.
They count on us to feed the fire to substain these negative feelings. Don't fan the flame. thats what validating is all about. Don't fight with her , don't try to convince her she's wrong. Be understanding. Even when you know and feel she's wrong. Don't feed her ability to maintain those negative feeligs. As for you, the best thing that helped me was to forgive. No matter what she did. Because I knew she felt justified in her own mind. She was hurt and had been hurt by me. In trying to deal with their pain and confusion, to find some relief for their pain. They do whatever their mind tells them they need to do.Big word "NEED" They feel they have to do what they are doing. It's really not about you, its about them. You have to be about you for right now. Forgive her, and take the wieght off your shoulders. Forgive yourself. Before we can be any good to anyone, we have to be happy with ourselves.
Know this. Happiness and peace comes from within. You only think your wife holds this for you. But this power is yours, we only give it away, it can't be taken.
This I think is Gods greatest gift. Our spirit, our soul. This is where I strength lies. Only God himself has domain over these.He can supply you with the strength you need. Have faith in him. Real faith, and know that no matter what. He can make it okay.
