Worse, she sent me an message to call her and talk about her leaving and the kids. I sat in my room all day, but I didnt call her. I cant breathe, i cant sleep,, or think. I think Im going crazy, this cant be happening. I love her so much. She is the love of my life.
Anthony, Who can you talk to THERE? Can you talk to the Chaplain, a medic, your supervisor, a friend???? You can get through this. It isn't easy, but you will.
Hey Spoon I'm fairly new here too and wish I had joined back in January when my H left me. I begged, pleaded, checked his emails, called every day and guess what, it's been 6 months now and I am no closer to having him back. I am basically starting now what I should have done then. I had gone one week without contacting him and he started sending me emails but then I took that opportunity to contact him regularly again and eventually brought up the M discussion and it pushed him away again. I haven't spoken to him for 3 weeks now and I know how hard it is. I wanted to find any excuse to contact him yesterday and the wonderful people on this site have convinced me to use every strength in me to not contact him. If only I had stopped calling him 6 or even 5 months ago, we may have been at least talking by now but now I won't know if things could have been different. Please take everyone's advice, stop calling her and trying to talk her out of what she thinks she wants. Display only PMA especially if you are around the kids b/c she'll be wondering why you are happy and trust me at some point she will realize that she isn't. Be strong. Everyone has been where you are including me. I still have really bad days but each day I do feel a little stronger just by being here and getting support and encouragement from everyone.
Some encouragement for you. A friend of mine left her H last year saying it was the right thing to do and that she wasn't "IN" love with him. Just recently she approached him wanting to work on their marriage. Unfortunately for both of them, he is now in another relationship. There is hope but don't dwell on it. Work on being the strong person you are. No one likes a weak and clingy person. Take care.
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
She called my mother yesterday. They spoke for a few miinutes and she says she wants her own life. She said that she still had not forgiven me. This is all from my mother and so I did not have ths conversation with my wife. She said that all of those things were nottrue that she said them to hurt me. My mother asked her not to hurt me while I was over here. That if she had to go to the states at least wait until I got back and we had time to sit down and talk about things. I dont think that she will do that. Thats why I think that she wanted me to call her so that she could say it over the phone.
I havent called her because I knwo that right now I am too emotional. And just the sound of her voice will break me. So right now, I know what you all are saying, I need to detach some of my emotional feelings so that i can talk to her without breaking down nd begging and crying.
Yes, I am still very scared. I do not know if this is a sign that we can work things out. I sncerely hope so, but as I have learned so far, hope is just what it is. There is no manual for this and being in the military there is no manual for a broken heart and forgiveness. It is so depressing, about 8 out of 10 people that I wok with are divorced. I know now some of the signs and indicators that I should have paid attention to, but I read an article on forgivenss and it made so much sense.
Today, I thought about what she could do that I would not forgive her for. Nothing. There is absoultely nothing that she could do that I would not forgive her for. Alot of people here say that if their wife or girlfriend did a particular thing that there would be hell to pay. But thats not really love then is it. I love her unconditionally. I can forgive her, I have forgiven her for every slight, insult, or down right mean and nasty thing that she has done.
I pray that she can forgive me. My wife's name is Kassie. When people talk about us, they call us Kas and Ant. I cant imagine not hearing that anymore. Or my daughter calling for mommy and daddy.
I dont know about anyone else over here, but for me, from the first minute that I got here all I could think of was the minute I got off that plane and saw my family again. That's it. What a fool I am. All the material that I have read, all of the advice I have received has told me in this situation to find something that makes you happy. I dont know what that is. I guess I'll have to find it. For me, seing my kids play, watching them fight, family movie night, shopping with my family, providing a comfortable life for my family, having the means to never have to worry about bills, clothes, trips. Waking up to got to work and looking at my wife and my children sleeping, putting them to bed, giving them a bath, driving in the car with the children in the back and my wife next to me, her reaching over and grabbing my hand, their smiles, being able to hold each of them(whether they were happy or sad), sharing in their good moments and bad, those are the things that make me happy.
I have been doing so much reading on relationships, women, men, and marriages and it has been such an amazing awakening. One thing that I read, that I hope is so true, is that GOD blesses the family. That HE is in favor of the union between man and woman. Like I have said before, I wish there was a manual, and I guess there is, The Bible.
Now dont get me wrong, I am not an innocent man by any means. And I am not gonna pretend that I do not hav any faults. Because I know that I do. And I guess, I am asking anyone that can tell me is this a good sign? Does this mean that she is having doubts or is she just cuting loose and is being gracious about it? I am not going to call her today or tonight, because I know that I dont have the strength right now to talk to her without crying is she says the same things. But, I eventually have to talk to her and I hope that it will be alright. You all have been so helpful and I know that I have been sounding like a big sissy. Thank you for putting up with me, but I am relying on you. Like I stated before, there are so many people here who are divorced and no one seemed to really want to bust their divorce. I hope that one day soon that I can post BUSTED. But, until then or rather if that happens I ask that you all pray for me. Ill still be posting here everyday and I thank you very much Matilda and grasshopper. I owe you all so much, you are saving my life. I will pray for each and every one of you, also. I know this was long, but it takes my mind off of things.
Hey Spoon.....we do not know what your W is thinking. Don't try to analyze b/c that is what drove me nuts for 5 months. It is only in the last month that I stopped trying to analyze my H and I am feeling better. Don't get me wrong, I do still have some bad days and it is ok. You have to feel what you are feeling but then you need to pick yourself up. Don't call your W until you know you can talk w/o breaking down. Don't try to argue with her about what she wants. Just say something like, "I know how hurt you must be and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way". If you empathize with her, she can't argue with you. I know it is hard, believe me I know. This is still very fresh for you. Be the strong person that you are. As for moving your kids to another country, I don't think she can take the kids away to another country so you should check into that before she tries to leave. Also, I hope your mother is not trying to talk her out of what she wants to do b/c that is no different than if it were coming from you. As hard as it may be and believe me, we all know, use the techniques mentioned in DB or DR. Try not to backslide but if you do, it's okay but get yourself back on track asap. Believe me, I've learned the hard way but after 6 months, and not making the situation any better but doing what you are trying to do, I am going to follow the same advice everyone is trying to give you. Be strong and ask God to give you the strength to endure. We are here for you if you need to vent or ask for support. Remember, your kids need their daddy to be strong and happy when he see them again. We know you can do it.
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Thanks for keeping in touch, Anthony. I know how hard it is. I am so proud of you for not calling her today (or it must be tomorrow there already) Keep writing, venting, asking quesions, etc etc
I have been trying to figure this out for myself!!! It's so much easier to tell someone else to GAL!!! It is even harder for you being in Iraq, I know. Maybe you can find something that will at least distract you for a period of time.
What about a new hobby? what stars do you see in that part of the world that we can't see here? What kind of critters are running around there (my BIL was there and wrote about some interesting lizards that showed up in his tent). Have you seen a camel up close? Bet that could make an interesting letter to your older daughter. What about photography? Is there something new "on post" you can learn? Do you get to try different foods? Have you seen a date tree? Have you tried eating pumpkin as a vegetable? Can you volunteer for KP duty Do you have a dart board available? What about ping pong? Do you want to learn a new language? A new skill?
Maybe you could describe your surroundings there. Start a journal of new things you are encountering. (Just not relationship stuff
So dream a little! Do something just for Anthony! And let me know what you find. i'm looking for ideas for myself.
Do you have a dart board available? What about ping pong? Do you want to learn a new language? A new skill? 
