Im trying to make positvie goals, really I am but its just so hard. And I dont understand any of it. Its not just that I was unfaithful to my wife, believe me I wish that I could take that back. But, I cant turn back time. Its the things she is doing, that I dont understand.
Maybe someone here can tell me if Im imagining things or if I have valid reasons to be worried. At the end of June, she todl me she was going out, I said ok because I learned there was nothing I could do about it anyway. But she was leaving awfully early. Well, to make a long stor short she left and went to Holland, when they got there it was too late and all of the "coffee" shops had closed. So they waited until 9 in the morning and then got high. She didnt get back home until 5 the next afternoon. She is hanging out with 19 and 20 year old girls, who she swears are extremely mature for their age. One of these girls is staying in my house and she considers my car to be hers. And my wife is alright with all of this. They use ectasy and that is alright too. She is under investigation by CID for providing exctasy to a 16 yr old that overdosed on it. She swears that it didnt happen. But, she has lied about so many other things that I dont know. She blew all of the money in the accounts and when our youngest daughter had her birthday she didnt have any money, so i had to sell my laptop and wire her money so that she could have a birthday party. The babysitters called so many cellphone numbers that they ran the phone bill up to 1500 dollars. But, she says that she is there with the kids then how did they run the phone bill up so high. The money I dont care about and my kids I will always take care of them. Its not a question of money its just that it seems like Im working for her and her young friends to just have fun. And when I ask her about any of it, she get smad and yells at me. I just want my wife back, the wofe i knew before all of this.
I dont mind her going out once in awhile, but every wed-mon, seems a little ridiculous to me. Maybe Im wrong, I dont know. But that is why I would call so much, people here suggest to me that I should divorce her and do other things. I dont want to do that, IM not gonna give up on my marriage. I married her because I love her and I still do. That is why it hurts so much. Part of me thinks its because she misses doing these things and that being around younger people are an influence to some of this. I pray that we can get back together and change for whats best for the family. And it hurts so bad to know that this woman that I love so much has no consideration for anyone, except herself.
Man I feel for you. You are a big man to still want your wife through all that, but is apparent you love your kids. You can't stay in a marriage for the kids, but the kids are a reason to try to make it work.
I posted this before, and I will do it again.
One of the main reasons I came back to my wife (though she my leave me anyway). Is because she was kind and gentle and showed me NOT told me of her unconditional love.
If she begged and pushed, I would be in the OW arms right now!!
My brother is a single father with custody of both of his kids. Spoon... I read your story and it really touched me. You need to be strong for your self and your kids. If it was meant to be, well..it will. Pleases donot beat yourself up over this. Most of us would consider ourselves lucky to have a man who loved their family so much. You can not make up for your wife that is living in the past. One day she will have to face her age and realize the mistakes she has made. Do the right thing. My brother did go through a very similar situation and he is a strong single father. Just do the right thing for yourself and your children. Checking out on the kids is not one of the choices. You are better than that and god knows you are stronger than that. The best revenge, make them really want back what they are missing. Not everyone is deserving of your pain.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Im trying to make positvie goals, really I am but its just so hard. And I dont understand any of it.
Ok, do you not understand the setting of goals OR your situation?
One simple goal to start with might be to not call your wife for _______days. Maybe start with 3-4 days since it seems to me you talk on the phone or online every day. Is that right?
Spoon. You are obviously a strong man. I've posted this a couple of times, and the people her are reinforcing it.
You can't beg. My OW begged and I RAN away. My wife did not and I RAN back. There obviously is something to this.
Please for the sake of you kids, listen to these people who have put their marriage back together.
When I had marital problems I used to think, "I will fix it."
Well I had no clue and f^cked up my marriage. Please listen to those who have experience.
I respect and honor what your are doing over there. I REALLY do, but you need a slap in the face.
If they were going to put their lives on the line they would ask you for advice. You're are fighting another battle in you marriage. This DB stuff works. LISTEN!!!
You have to quit thinking of your emotions and rely on others. If not your worst fear my come true. Let GO and trust these people.
If you think YOU have all the answers and do it YOUR way, you will lose. Sorry.
You are right, but now I think that it is too late. I wish for the best and I am goign to stop begging her. She wont even talk civilly about the kids and whats best for them. She even threatned me that if things are not done exactly how she wants them that i will never see my kids again.
Man, Im not gonna see my oldest start school. She wass supposed to start school next month. I am really scared, how can she be this cold. I am breaking up, badly. No talks about the kids, she just wants to be gone with the kids by next month. Im worried about my kids and I miss them badly. Its been a year since Ive seen them and now I get back I get a week. A week is better than nothing and I will be happy to see them.
Please pray for me and that this divorce gets busted.
I know that news is difficult to hear. Just try to focus on YOU and the children!!!!! How is your state of mind right now? What can you do to distract yourself from all that? One positive goal!!!!!
