Im trying to make positvie goals, really I am but its just so hard. And I dont understand any of it. Its not just that I was unfaithful to my wife, believe me I wish that I could take that back. But, I cant turn back time. Its the things she is doing, that I dont understand.
Maybe someone here can tell me if Im imagining things or if I have valid reasons to be worried. At the end of June, she todl me she was going out, I said ok because I learned there was nothing I could do about it anyway. But she was leaving awfully early. Well, to make a long stor short she left and went to Holland, when they got there it was too late and all of the "coffee" shops had closed. So they waited until 9 in the morning and then got high. She didnt get back home until 5 the next afternoon. She is hanging out with 19 and 20 year old girls, who she swears are extremely mature for their age. One of these girls is staying in my house and she considers my car to be hers. And my wife is alright with all of this. They use ectasy and that is alright too. She is under investigation by CID for providing exctasy to a 16 yr old that overdosed on it. She swears that it didnt happen. But, she has lied about so many other things that I dont know. She blew all of the money in the accounts and when our youngest daughter had her birthday she didnt have any money, so i had to sell my laptop and wire her money so that she could have a birthday party. The babysitters called so many cellphone numbers that they ran the phone bill up to 1500 dollars. But, she says that she is there with the kids then how did they run the phone bill up so high. The money I dont care about and my kids I will always take care of them. Its not a question of money its just that it seems like Im working for her and her young friends to just have fun. And when I ask her about any of it, she get smad and yells at me. I just want my wife back, the wofe i knew before all of this.
I dont mind her going out once in awhile, but every wed-mon, seems a little ridiculous to me. Maybe Im wrong, I dont know. But that is why I would call so much, people here suggest to me that I should divorce her and do other things. I dont want to do that, IM not gonna give up on my marriage. I married her because I love her and I still do. That is why it hurts so much. Part of me thinks its because she misses doing these things and that being around younger people are an influence to some of this. I pray that we can get back together and change for whats best for the family. And it hurts so bad to know that this woman that I love so much has no consideration for anyone, except herself.
