i know and im trying to stay focused. damn hard thing to do. I pray for you all and your situations, I really do. I just hope that you all will pray for me and my family too. I need all the prayer I can get. 45 days....
Ok, the water ballon analogy, I get it. She is unsure, that is what I am unsure about. If she has any doubts then what are we doing? But is she so positive that she is gonna be gone? I dont know. And I know what you all are saying. I cant be there to know.
You know the biggest mistake that I made? Wondering what she was doing, if she wa sleeping with someone. Not because I cant say she was or wasn't, but because in the long run, would I have forgiven her. Yes, I would have.
You see and Im sorry I dont remember who said it, but it is a catch 22. Do i be aloof and trust that? Or do I put pressure and lose her? 3 WEEKS ago, if you had asked me if I know my wife, I would have said yes. But I dont know now. Like she just got online today and asked if I called her this morning. Then she was like dont talk to me.
But I did ask her if her friends were there and she told me they were. I told her I would not discuss anything about us or our seperation in front of her friends. That if she wanted to talk about any of this then it would have to be just us. I dont think I was wrong. I mean Im not putting our problems on anyone else, but I do think that her support in this is coming from some sources that are taking joy in the fact that Im suffering. I do think that they are benefitting from my divorce and that they are doing the best they can to see that it happens.
Like I have posted before, Im not innocent by a long shot. But i do think my wife is very impressionable right now. We were going through the same thing at the end of may and I went home because a family member died.
As soon as I got home it was like there were never any problems. What is this? And is she doing this to convince herself that she has to do this? Really, my wife is 26, her friends are 19 or just turned 20, no car, no job, and they want to go out all of the time. My wife is going with them. Sorry, but Im venting. Our kids are gonna be messed up by this. My daughter is supposed to start school, taking things away from them is the way to do it? Ok, I did call too much. OK, I can understand how that would affect me were the shoe on the other foot. But seriously, like this? Is this how women are? She says she doesnt know I love her, that I would just be lonely. I have been gone for 2 of the last 3 years. Thats not my fault, I didnt want to be here. When, when do I get a damn chance. Or is the life of our children, my life gonna be torn apart because she is unhappy. Does she think that is gonna make her family happy. Even if that doesnt include me. Thats gonna make the kids happy. Hey, Ive been wrong before and Ill admit it when I am. I can be shown the error of my ways. BUT THIS IS JUST DAMN SELFISH. She is not even thinking of the kids, and she refuses to talk about anything other than what she wants or getting her way. HELP!!
