dont got nothing. maybe im making this up in my head. but she is giving me mixed signals. maybe someone can help me on this. like, i call she still picks up the phone or she still sees if im online. she still tells me where she is going and what she did during the day. then she will back that upi with a its none of your business. or she will tell me she doesnt love me or that she hates me then tells my mother that she loves me.
I am putting my priorities first, the children, but she has this harebrained scheme to take the kids and go to the states and get a job and struggle, take this german girl with her to babysit. and take our kids from a decent life to one of less. she knows the money situation, she created it. so what is she doing?
she contemplating and struggling. She still loves you, but don't tell her that. I would guess that she is considering ending the R/M. just let her be, the more you squeeze the farther you will shoot her (water balloon analogy again)
Please take care of you and worry about your kids. Try it, what can it hurt. Watch the effects for a few days. It sucks, but please try.
i know and im trying to stay focused. damn hard thing to do. I pray for you all and your situations, I really do. I just hope that you all will pray for me and my family too. I need all the prayer I can get. 45 days....
Ok, the water ballon analogy, I get it. She is unsure, that is what I am unsure about. If she has any doubts then what are we doing? But is she so positive that she is gonna be gone? I dont know. And I know what you all are saying. I cant be there to know.
You know the biggest mistake that I made? Wondering what she was doing, if she wa sleeping with someone. Not because I cant say she was or wasn't, but because in the long run, would I have forgiven her. Yes, I would have.
You see and Im sorry I dont remember who said it, but it is a catch 22. Do i be aloof and trust that? Or do I put pressure and lose her? 3 WEEKS ago, if you had asked me if I know my wife, I would have said yes. But I dont know now. Like she just got online today and asked if I called her this morning. Then she was like dont talk to me.
But I did ask her if her friends were there and she told me they were. I told her I would not discuss anything about us or our seperation in front of her friends. That if she wanted to talk about any of this then it would have to be just us. I dont think I was wrong. I mean Im not putting our problems on anyone else, but I do think that her support in this is coming from some sources that are taking joy in the fact that Im suffering. I do think that they are benefitting from my divorce and that they are doing the best they can to see that it happens.
Like I have posted before, Im not innocent by a long shot. But i do think my wife is very impressionable right now. We were going through the same thing at the end of may and I went home because a family member died.
As soon as I got home it was like there were never any problems. What is this? And is she doing this to convince herself that she has to do this? Really, my wife is 26, her friends are 19 or just turned 20, no car, no job, and they want to go out all of the time. My wife is going with them. Sorry, but Im venting. Our kids are gonna be messed up by this. My daughter is supposed to start school, taking things away from them is the way to do it? Ok, I did call too much. OK, I can understand how that would affect me were the shoe on the other foot. But seriously, like this? Is this how women are? She says she doesnt know I love her, that I would just be lonely. I have been gone for 2 of the last 3 years. Thats not my fault, I didnt want to be here. When, when do I get a damn chance. Or is the life of our children, my life gonna be torn apart because she is unhappy. Does she think that is gonna make her family happy. Even if that doesnt include me. Thats gonna make the kids happy. Hey, Ive been wrong before and Ill admit it when I am. I can be shown the error of my ways. BUT THIS IS JUST DAMN SELFISH. She is not even thinking of the kids, and she refuses to talk about anything other than what she wants or getting her way. HELP!!
spoon: let me ask you a question? when YOU had an affair on your wife, did you think of your children, or were you so messed up that it didnt matter? your wife is messed up just like you were, understand that please. the unfortunate thing is your children are the ones suffering. when you call w, stay upbeat, and short with her, then talk to your children and be the father they need. its time for BOTH of you to grow up and focus on your children. shes messed up right now, you can not do anything about that, just like she couldnt when you were, so please think of your children and focus nothing but possitive things towards them. do you hear me, understand me, leave the marriage for now, focus on you job at hand and that is you children. let her go for now, she will come back. stay strong man you have to be.
yeah I get your point. But u sure I let her go shes gonna come back? You know I have this reflex to defend myself but Im not gonna. There were other things that lead to my leaving. She knows full well what they were and yet even though my actions were horrible, she is gonna hold it against me? You are right, grow up, we both need to. But, I read all of these articles and they all say well ou had an affair and women are supposed to be the more understanding sex, so tell me when are we supposed o com to the table and talk like adults, instead of just its gonna be my way or nothing, and damn everyone else? What is the point where we boh come ready to talk about things. I knw Im not there yet. A friend of mine syas that when we talk with no emotion then it is done. But there is plenty of emotion from both of us when we talk? She knows how much I love her, that I am sure of. So why does she say she doesn't? And take care of my kids, she is trying to mke that impossible. She doesn't even know where in the staes she is gonna go. At first we were talking about htis in terms that she was going back to Missouri. But now, even if I could get Ft Campbell she might not go there. I know this isnt easy, bu why is she makng it harder?
I pray for you all the time. my 3 yr old twins want to know why they are praying for a spoon. If you get the water balloon analogy then go with it.
I know that your married and she should just be honest with you, but it doesn't work that way with problems in the M. ______________ it is a catch 22. Do i be aloof and trust that? Or do I put pressure and lose her? ____________
Sorry man, what's the catch?
______________ But seriously, like this? Is this how women are? She says she doesnt know I love her, that I would just be lonely. I have been gone for 2 of the last 3 years. Thats not my fault, I didnt want to be here. When, when do I get a damn chance. Or is the life of our children, my life gonna be torn apart because she is unhappy. Does she think that is gonna make her family happy. Even if that doesnt include me. Thats gonna make the kids happy. Hey, Ive been wrong before and Ill admit it when I am. I can be shown the error of my ways. BUT THIS IS JUST DAMN SELFISH. She is not even thinking of the kids, and she refuses to talk about anything other than what she wants or getting her way. HELP!! _____________
No spoon, that is not how women are. but it is how WAS are. check out how much the LBS is suffering all over this board, how the kids are suffering. I had to go to a food bank to feed my kids and after a couple of months of eating whatever they didn't finish so as not to waste and get soemthing in my stomach, one night one of my sons asked me if I was ever going to eat with them again. I had to go in the bathroom and cry. No son, I can't b/c we don't have enough food. My H left me with all the bills including his car payment-- and he took the car, our only vehicle, and 2 days later came back and dumped the change jar claim that was all his too. He refused to pay child support for a long time. and I already mention that I am having allotment issues. My kids are suffering and he doesn't see it. he thinks that he is a better dad than most and that he he's and spends more time with the boys than most. He told me that b4 enlisting and he was averaging 1 -2 partial days a week. THATS a WA, A WAH and a WADad.
_______ friend of mine syas that when we talk with no emotion then it is done. __________ No, that's when you have completed step A and are ready for step B.
Please stop worrying about where she's gonna go if she goes. You are borrowing trouble. Focus on the next 45 days nothing more.
spoon: when is she going to stop doing what she is doing to you? well when you give her reason to. drop all your weapons towards her, i was told by my c that dont give her any reason to hate you, that if you are always happy when in contact with w, it would be harder for her to divorce me. and you know what, after that she started to come around. im telling you, to be nice even if you dont agree with what ever she is saying or doing, i a talk is going south, get out of it. if she says your marriage was always bad, agree with her, even if you dont, validate what ever is her problem. if she wants to go back to the states the agree, ask her how you two can figure out a plan for that to happen, i know you think you will loose her for agreeing, but it does a complete oppisite to them. they start wondering why you believe that what they are saying, because really they dont believe it either. just learn to validate and be nice, no more fights. that was the hardest thing for me to do, but once i did my s changed almost over night. ignore her and only talk to your kids right now, if she wants to talk make it a good one even if she trys to piss you off dont let her. you say you have 45 days before she can do anything, try to be happy with her in those 45 days and maybe in 10 days her mood might change.
I pray for you all the time. my 3 yr old twins want to know why they are praying for a spoon.
Thanks for the smile, HappierandHealthier!
Spoonhound, please tell me this made you smile, too. You have lots of people who care about you. I hope you will soon start caring for yourself!!! You deserve it!!!!
