get out of panic mode man!!! Relax here is your goal, Matilda pointed it out. No R talk with your W for 47 days.
You said that you've got 47 days or its over. You were right and wrong. You've got 47 days to bust. However, it aint over until the fat lady sings -- and I don't like to sing. Here is a stat for you. The sooner that you do follow the DB/DR practices, the more likely/quicker your success. And b4 anyone decides to argue that point - don't. just go with me on this one for now.
You've got 47 days to agree with your wife and to help her let go of the anger. Every time that you beg plead ask or tell her that you love her, all you are doing is reinforcing her bitterness and anger. We'll get to the whys later. Right now, you are in the panic mode, you are seeing that time is of the essence, so do as your told without question. Didn't you get trained to do that. PLEASE try. When your D says that she wants you to be together... or anything. be careful the mind of a 5 year old... just say, well I am in Iraq honey, but not for long. I'll be with you soon. DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR R WITH HER.
In 47 days, where will you be? Germany? or States? Is your W booked to leave? Someone already posted to you about the Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act. and I will go one further. Your W CANNOT legally keep the kids from you without just cause. I'm not going to get into all that legal stuff right now. Just don't worry about it, OK. No sense worrying about how you are going to handle step Z when you can't deal with step A well enough to get to step B. Right now you have to get passed talking to your W. That's step A. This is not about your feelings. This is about her perception. you can hurt all you want- you have to, its natural. you just can't talk to her about it. When you talk to her be chipper and ACT AS IF you are on top of the world. Treat her like she's the nanny and nothing more. Get that through your head. When you do, you will be taking the emotion out of your conversations with your W (which should be limited to such things as let me talk to D---ABSOLUTELY NO R TALK) when you take the emotion out on your end, you will see the emotion (anger bitterness cruetly) disappear from her end. but it won't happen while your begging pleading and crying. Have you ever watched a couple of kids playing? Lucy doesn't like tonka trucks, but she sees her little brother does. suddenly it is her favorite toy. she holds it and will not let go so long as Tommy cries and begs. When he stops and finds something new she gives up her cruel stance, puts the truck down and inevitably starts to search out what it is that is making Tommy happy.
