My daugther 5 said she wanted her mommy and daddy to stay together, thats what got me. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? I know I shouldnt beg or plea but it all seems so hopeless.
I have never begged for anything in my life. But the one thing I want so bad, is out of my hands. This whole year I couldnt wait to get home to my family only for there to be no family when I get there.
Everything I have done in the last 7 years was for them. I feel like such a loser. WHY IS SHE SO MEAN TO ME, I WOULD NOT PUT HER THROUGH PAIN LIKE THIS, WHY DOES SHE SAY SHE HATES ME WHEN I LOVE HER SO MUCH? This really hurts and I am just havinf a hard time making it through the day.
And the things she says to me, maybe they would be better off without me or if I wasnt around. She laughed when I said I felt terrible and that I was having thoughts of suicide. That wasnt a ploy to get her back or any kind of trick. The other day, I went back to my room because I left something there. I forgot my rounds so I took my knife and started to cut my wrist but it was to dull. I am really having problems with this and she just seems to think its a joke. Thats what my 47 days are, its a countdown. On top of her wanting a divorce she says the meanest things I have ever heard from someone. And that hurts worse than anything. Cant she see how much I love her? I have lived this past 7 years for her and my children and they are gone. I have no answers, I have no guaranteed way to keep my family.
Finally, do I deserve this? Is this karma? That whole what goes around comes around thing? I swear to God, I wasnt this bad. I would do anything to keep my family whole. But there is nothing that I can do.
