Quote: She says it was the constant calling that pushed her over the edge.
Have you read about 180's, Anthony? That is when you do the opposite of your usual pattern. Can you reduce the number of calls because that is certainly causing YOU a lot of anxiety--either if she doesn't answer or if she does. Start small--say I won't call for______ days. One day at a time!!!
Is there a way for you to get the book, Divorce Remedy there? I think it would be helpful.
I got this book, Save Your Marriage, by [censored] and it says pretty much the same things as everything else. I want to call her now, I just want to hear I love you, we will work this out. I just miss her.
Think of something besides needing to hear "I love you" . Make yourself a goal that I am not going to say those words until W says them to you. Don't push her away further!
I didnt say it. I talked to her online and I didnt say it. We made small talk and talked about the kids, that was it. I wanted to say it so bad, because its true, I love her so much. What if she never says it again? What if I heard it for the last time 9 days ago?
Im scared. I am doing a 180. But I think that this is a LRT situation and Im unsure if its gonna get my wife back. I dont wanna apply these principles to my next relationship, I wanna apply them to my marriage. I just dont know, what if this doesnt work? I know what I have been doing hasnt been working, but damn.
I have changed and I realize all of the things that I have done wrong or could have done to make my marriage better and I hope that its not too late.
If you all dont mind, I would like to post everytime that I talk to her or have any contact with her. Maybe you can help me through this. The only thing that is very hard for me is to act like this is perfectly acceptable to me and taking care of myself.
Good job! The hardest thing is trying to treat spouse as just a friend!!!! Believe me, I know!!! It is good to come here and vent, discuss, think through how you will interact next. You don't need to wait until you talk to her. Is it possible to back off with the daily communication? Add a little mystery. Do the snail mail to your children. I know that is difficult, but it's a starting place. I am proud of you!
She is selling the kids dog!! She is doing it to get money. She took 3000 dollars out of our account and sent it home to her mother to find her a place to stay. So I started my own account and set up an allotment so that she can pay the bills and do things with my children but thats it.
She has a 19 year old girl staying with her who offers her advice and is going to the states with her. This girl is German and she says she is going to the states so that she can babaysit for my wife and also so that she can start a new life too.
It seems as if this girl has taken over my role. She calls my children her babies and my car her other baby. How do I get an influence like this out of our affairs?
Im even more desperate and all I can think of is seeing my family get on that plane when I get back.
Are there any signs that tell me that my wife still has some love for me? Or any signs that tell me that this marriage is gonna be busted or is it hopeless?
Unfortunately you have to be patient! I hated it when other people told me that, but it is true. Work on your personal goals. You have no control over your wife; you can only control your own reaction to what she is doing.
Is there someone that can help advise you on the legal stuff if your wife leaves for the states while you are there (like JAG? a Chaplain? Your commander?) Ask for some help! Go back and read some of the advice you got earlier from military types---they have "been there, done that".
Spoonhound (or do you prefer your real name?), By the way, did you see the posts under your name in the divorced sections? THere is some good stuff to read. Refered them over here.
