Help, i wanna kill myself

[alamogirl]

Hey Spoon,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this mess with your wife.

First of all, before you can salvage any kind of relationship with your wife, you need to salvage yourself. I work on base, and I've heard horror stories from some of the troops there who have gone through the same thing you are going through now.

You may be thinking about killing yourself only to get back at your wife. I know you really don't want to kill yourself because you've expressed your love for your kids. I'm sure you don't want your kids to grow up angry because they will. If you kill yourself, do you think your wife is going to paint a heroic picture of you to your kids? I don't think so. So, you need to be there for your children. You need to let them know that you love them. You need to let them know that daddy will always be there for them. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please seek out your chaplain or a buddy.

Take a deep breath and calm down. Like I told my husband, I can't undo the past. I can only work on my present to improve my future. I don't know if it's going to include my husband. I hope so, but in the meantime, I need to work on me. You need to work on you right now.

I'm not sure if we are allowed to exchange e-mail addresses, but I have some e-books on marital issues and problems that I will be more than happy to e-mail to you.

Take care of yourself.

alamogirl

[grasshopper]

alamogirl,

You can post your email address in a post or add it to your signature. There is no site rule against it so far as I know. Just realize that everyone here will also have access to it. If you want, do what I did and set up a new hotmail or yahoo account for people on this site to email to.

Hope that helps.

GH

[Matilda2]

Spoon--hello again. Hope you're feeling better today.

Wonder if someone out there can help you combine your threads since you have the same subject in at least 3 forums. I think it would help with the consistency. You are getting good advice from many directions.

Thanks for keeping in touch.
Matilda

[spoonhound]

First of all I want to say thank you to all of you have helped me. And sorry for so many "threads", I am really new to this and I just needed help fast, so I posted to as many as possible that I thought applied to my situation.

If you dont mind I have an update I would like to share with everyone. I haverealized that if it going to happen, it is going to happen. I cant make her do anything that she does not want to and I cant make her love me again. She is hurt over the things that I have done and I am truly regretful for them. She has given me many times to show her change and I failed. I failed because I let the rush of life just interfere, I just assumed that I could always work on our marriage and that life would go on. Maybe this is gonna happen and maybe it wont. I felt tremendous guilt over what I had done and that is what was causing me so much pain. Then I got to the point to where it all seemed hopeless and that there was no use trying to save something that doomed. And that lasted all of 3 hours. But, I did not make her do any of the things she has done, I did not make her decision for her. So the only thing that I can do is take everyone's advice, work on myself, take care of myself, and by working on myself I can improve myself. Now, I know that this isnt the 100% guranteed way to get my wife back, but I have no other option. Im taking away her ability to spend all of our money, Im gonna pay the bills, iM gonna take care of my kids. But, if thisis her decision then she has to take care of the things that she wants to do. If she wants life to go on then so be it. Im gonna be cool and calm when I call her, Im not gonna beg, IM not gonna cry or shed another tear. I AM A SOLDIER IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY!! AND I WILL FIGHT FOR MY WIFE, MY CHILDREN, MY FAMILY!! BUT I WILL NOT BE USED AS A FLOORMAT. IM GONNA BE CALM, COOL, AND COLLECTED. I WILL USE MY HEAD WHEN I TALK TO HER AND I WILL BE THERE FOR HER AS A REAL MAN AND A FATHER TO "OUR" KIDS. SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, BUT I HAVE TO IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HER. Im not gonna say that there wont be hard times ahead for me and I dont know if this will fix my marriage, but I will be strong.

I swear I will fight for my marriage like I have never fought anything before, just in a better way. And at the end, if its done, then no one will walk away a winner, well have fought this tooth and nail and earned each other's respect.

Thank all of you and by the way, I might need some more of your help.

SGT Anthony Ross

[monchichi]

I understand how you feel...i feel like killing myself too...the pain is so undurable you can feel the pain in the heart

[Matilda2]

I just read your post and I took the liberty to change the subject line! You sound positive! One thing that helped me is when someone would ask me to write down goals....just take a day or a week at a time. For example a goal could be to send your children a letter weekly. THey would love to go the mailbox and find something from you. (They are little I know, but I think it would still be a good idea).
Then add a goal that is just for you....not related to your relationship. Start small. Keep in touch.....even when you are feeling positive this board will help you.

GOOD LUCK!
Matilda

[No_hill_for_a_Swimmer]

If you find anything interesting local (currency, pictures of kids, ect) send it to your kids. Build a connection.

[alamogirl]

Hi spoon,

As I was reading your post, I was saying, "YES!" You are headed in the right direction. No one knows if any of our marriages are going to work out, but if they don't, at least we can say that we gave it a shot.

I'm proud of you. Thank you for defending our great nation, our freedom, and our rights. Take care, and we're here for you! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

alamogirl

[alamogirl]

Hey there monchichi,

I know the pain is unbearable sometimes, but hang in there. Take it one day at a time. That's what I am doing. Each morning, I pray to G-d and ask him to give me the strength I need to pull through. It gets better each day.

Hang in there.

alamogirl

[Matilda2]

Spoon, let us know how you are feeling today. Any chance to think about one or two specific goals? Hope you ARE feeling brighter now. How hard is it for you to get computer time???