Heck Yeah there's hope Spoon Man, REad my post on Happy endings in my family for examples I 've seen of divorces leading to remarrying later on. Anyhow, you have gotten great advice. Think also on this: if you took your life, would it show your children or wife how much you loved them, OR how afraid you are of doing what it takes to get them back. In other words, it'll achieve exactly the OPPOSITE of what your goal is, which is to show your W and kids you've changed into a better man who wants to keep being a work in progress like all of us. My female intuition is that your w would love it, if you really fought for her. She hears your loving words, but she is lonely and it feels unfair to her. You have to overcome this natural response on her part, with as much reassurance as possible that you will do what it takes to get her to see the changes in you, even if you are doing them for you and your kids. (I don't know enough of your sitch to know which 180 you should do.)
Don't take the "easy way out" for 2 other reasons: 1) the biggest emotion expressed in support meetings of family members who've lost someone to suicide, is ANGER at the deceased. Feelings of worthlessness also, as in, "IF dad loved me so much, why didn't he stick around? Aren't I important enough to him to live?" Remember that you are modelling for your children, that you can overcome setbacks and emotional pain. Suicide would demonstrate for your kids that rejection or pain, is fatal. But it's not. It's life. And so is forgiveness, and love, and joy, and peace within. Overcoming this could leave your children with a legacy of good living, willingness to learn and change, and how to forgive, oneself - picking self up and move forward again,- and how to forgive another person. God, I wish I had those skills years ago, my M would have been so much better.
2) It will take time for your w to see/hear the changes in you. THe one good thing about being apart is that when you are finally together, it's easier for them to see the changes than when you are daily present and the changes are too subtle.
YOu can access Army Emergency Relief (I am a veteran of the first Gulf War, married to another officer--why else do women join?) or whatever they call it now. Sometimes they or the Red Cross can fund a trip home for emergencies. IF you go to the JAG officer (which is what I was) for legal help, you need to first know the very good news. NO Judgement or action in court can be legally finalized against you, while you are serving the nation overseas. IT's called the "Sailors and Soldiers Civil Relief Act" and it prevents the GIs from getting screwed in court while off fighting wars. Even if your w wants to file and does file for a D, you can have an attorney in the states simply file a delay motion due to your assignment, he/she (your L) will need a copy of your orders, and maybe if you can prove that leave was denied. Hopefully it will not be denied but if it is, you can stall the legal actions for awhile under the above mentioned law. I DO NOT know what happens while your W is in Germany. It may actually be better for you if she goes back to the states, from a legal standpoint. AND NEVER ever think that the Army is totally rigid with bonuses and assignments, etc. You re-enlisted for Germany and you're in Iraq...yeah, you can modify your request, ask for a compassionalte reassignement, etc. Or trade another enlistment extension for a CONUS assignment. I mean, THERE ARE OPTIONS. btw, my oldest brother is there as a civilian. Tell me where you are, if your post doesn't list it. He'd be a good contact for you.
Good luck, jch
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
