This may sound a bit weak, but I don't know if anyone has asked you this; have you read DB or DR? It doesn't sound like you have because the very FIRST thing they talk about when dealing with a situation like this is to STOP TALKING TO HER ABOUT IT. Stop begging, pleading, etc. It only makes things worse. Right now, she needs to see a strong, independent man willing to fight not only for his country, but himself and his marriage. She needs to feel respected by you and the best way to do that is to listen to her and give her the time and space to deal with this sitch. Your constant pressure and threats to do drastic things do not help at this point.
You asked if there was hope for your sitch and as I said before, NOT UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE. You can't wait until she calls you begging for your forgiveness, or accepts YOUR call for the same reason, to start healing and building your strength back up. That's the horse being pulled by the cart. You HAVE TO find some way to pull out of this funk. Please, as suggested, talk to a clergy member, counselor or any other resource available to you where you are. SEEK HELP NOW.
IF you truly want to right your wrongs then you HAVE to understand that a lot of that "wrong" came because you never believed you were worthy of anything better. YOU ARE worthy and you have to start believing that of yourself before anyone, like your W, will believe it of you.
Look man, I KNOW this sucks and is really hard. I know it seems easier, MUCH easier to take another road but in the end, that's NOT what you want to do. You want to make this work and we're trying to tell you the first steps to making that happen. Please, start walking today and we'll help you. I swear we will.
