Quote: I just want to know is there any hope for me to salvage my marriage.
There is always hope spoon but not if you don't first allow yourself personal hope, and personal growth. You have to believe in yourself first, and then, your marriage can be infused with something new, something that provides the best chance for true change.
That's what DB is all about; changing yourself to affect change in your relationship. Please, realize that it will take a monumental act of strength, strength that I KNOW you have considering the training you have and the job you do, to MAKE yourself start to have hope for the most important person in this whole thing...YOU!
Please, we are a bunch of strangers and we believe in you. It's easy to do because we see you having the courage to post here, expose your vulnerabilities and seek help instead of retreating into your head, a place that is dangerous for you right now.
As many others have said, your kids deserve more than this, but even more than them, YOU deserve more than this. Your W is an important, loved part of your life, but she is just that, PART of your life. She is NOT your entire life even though it seems like she is, and the longer you go on thinking her absence from you is somehow diminishing your existence, the longer your sitch will likely suffer. I know that seems backwards, but again, Michelle's books all talk about how our pursuit of our spouses often reinforces their decision to leave. It's only when we adopt a philosophy of "me first, her second", in a truly loving way, that we begin to exude the confidence, character and LOVE that they fell in love with all those years ago.
I know your goal here is to save your M, but our goal here is to save you because we KNOW that so long as your outlook is bleak and you see only despair in your sitch, it will likely STAY dark and full of turmoil.
Spoon, YOU are the key here. You DO hold all the power to move your life in a positive direction first for you, then for your kids and finally, yes, for your W and God willing, should she see this movement, sense it's reality and center in YOU, there IS hope that she will one day come to her senses and return the love you so obviously have for her.
Please, listen to us and listen to your heart, your REAL heart, the one that tells you that what you feel is only temporary and what you need to do is raise your chin, look this thing in the eyes and attack it like you've never attacked anything in your life...with love, honor and commitment to personal growth.
