Picture your kids at home looking at pictures of you waiting for you to come home, they love you, don't make a choice to destroy that.
Taking your life would be selfish, you want to show her that you have changed, start making your health your priority.
Take responsibility, Forgive yourself, pick your self up and focus on being healthy and happy, that is the first step. You need that, your kids need that, your collegues need that, and she will need that.
You made a mistake, we all make mistakes, hurting yourself will be a huge mistake. If you hope for her to forgive you, you have to be able to forgive yourself. Do that, forgive yourself and think about the things you dreamed about doing when you were a kid. Focus on a dream that is just about you, traveling, building something, what ever it is do it, find ways to bring yourself happiness.
Don't feel sorry for yourself and then want to punish yourself.
Do love (yourself and your kids), learn and grow. Do it.
