Quote: So you're off to walk around that mountain yet again, I see.
Sorry, you lost me on this one. Am I off on a tanent again?
No. What I mean is you just seem to keep having to go back to the same basic lesson because you have not grasped it yet. Don't get me wrong, I see a lot of improvement in the way you are handling things. I don't know if I can explain it...I will try...I will use myself as an example because it's all I have to go by. When dealing with my husband now, after my affair and in what I hope are interactions that will eventually lead to the restoration of our marriage, I never forget what I did that brought us to this place. While I do not grovel at his feet, I HAVE been in that position and likely will be again before this battle is all said and done. There was a time in the early part of my DB efforts that he would make lunch plans or dinner plans with me and back out at the last minute. I wouldn't say anything, I would just be understanding (and then I'd vent here ). Finally though, I told him to knock it the hell off. That I deserved to treated better than that. So I stood up for myself and it's been months since that has happened. He follows through now. But I think I had to set that boundary, let him know that while I was VERY aware of my mistakes in the marriage, I wasn't going to let him treat me that way. What I have never seen in you (at least communicated here) is that brokenness. When I first approached my husband once I realized ALL that I had done wrong (through the WHOLE marriage) it was not with one damn shred of dignity. I was broken in every way possible. For weeks it was literally all I could do to walk upright, the grief and the guilt were so heavy. I have never seen you down quite that far, to where the only place you can possibly reach your wife is through your humbleness. I believe that is why you still have the tendencies that you have to appear arrogant.
Quote: You know, HH, I agree with everything that FGH is telling you but I'm gonna take a wild stab in the dark here and suggest that this is a simple matter of respect.
Can you tell me, is it just your wife that you think is beneath you, or is it women in general?
My quick answer is neither. But apparently something is oozing out of my pores to make you ask me this. Are you asking me about respect because of my need to always prove myself right? Partially. Moreso thought it is your need to have it vocalized.
I don't think of my W as beneath me, nor women in general. I don't like the path that my W has chosen and I don't appreciate her tactics in dealing with her pain and anger towards me This is what makes me say "HOW DARE YOU AFTER ALL YOU HAVE DONE?" , but I have no control over that except to mind my p's and q's when we are together and to do my best to respect her as my equal. I don't believe you see her as your equal. Sorry but that's just how I feel. I realize she is acting like a teenager lately for the most part but I truly think you look down on her and her intelligience.
I will tell you this, I have been told that I can, and do, come off as arrogant to both men and women, so I'd venture to say it's not a gender thing with me, but respecting others is definitely a behavior that I need to be extremely mindful of. I don't intentionally disrespect anyone. That doesn't mean I don't do it though. I do realize that intention doesn't count for much. Actions are what speak the loudest. Thanks for chiming in Amy, made me think about me.
I'd look back even further in this case. Mostly I don't think much can be gained by revisiting the past, but when it comes to understanding why we act like we do, it's sometimes necessary. If I were you I'd ask myself what my father was like and how he treated my mother.
). Finally though, I told him to knock it the hell off. That I deserved to treated better than that. So I stood up for myself and it's been months since that has happened. He follows through now. But I think I had to set that boundary, let him know that while I was VERY aware of my mistakes in the marriage, I wasn't going to let him treat me that way. What I have never seen in you (at least communicated here) is that brokenness. When I first approached my husband once I realized ALL that I had done wrong (through the WHOLE marriage) it was not with one damn shred of dignity. I was broken in every way possible. For weeks it was literally all I could do to walk upright, the grief and the guilt were so heavy. I have never seen you down quite that far, to where the only place you can possibly reach your wife is through your humbleness. I believe that is why you still have the tendencies that you have to appear arrogant. 
I don't intentionally disrespect anyone. That doesn't mean I don't do it though. I do realize that intention doesn't count for much. Actions are what speak the loudest. Thanks for chiming in Amy, made me think about me. 