Today was another interesting day, to say the least. I got up this morning and went in to work. My day went well, not a particularly busy day. Finished up some stuff and returned calls. Around noon, my W calls me up and asks me if I have already eaten lunch. I tell her no. She then asks me if I would like to go to lunch with her, so we went to lunch together and had a nice time.
At one point during the lunch she asked me about a co-worker and why none of our vendors want to do work for him. I ask her, "Are we being truthful?" She says yes. I ask her, "Will what I have to say stay between us?" She says yes, of course. I tell her that I do not believe her. She assures me she is being truthful about keeping my disclosure between us only. I then give her my honest take on the situation. She does not believe me. I tell her that although I can be a real son-of-a-gun, and sometimes was, I didn't have ALL of our vendors unwilling to do work for me. Her response was, well, you are the son-in-law. Talk about a slap in the face. I was doing the job that 3 people are doing now. Lack of appreciation.
Later, I told her that her characterization of why I did not have the same response from the vendors as my co-worker was shortchanging my people skills, work ethic, and ability ability to get along with others. She often chooses to take one negative interaction and then make a blanket statement about how I [i]ALWAYS have negative interactions with vendors/owners/residents.
I told her that I actually interact with owners, residents and vendors all day long and the vast majority of my interactions are extremely postive and productive. Furthermore, I get all of the difficult interactions from co-workers b/c I DO handle difficult people/situations well, including my W's! She then tells me, "Well, I don't follow you around all day, so...." I can't win for losin' with her. I ended the conversation by saying, "Rather than going backwards, would you be willing to point out an interaction that you witness that I have with someone that did not go according to your satisfaction/expectation?" She said she would. I said, OK, good, good night. Interacting with her is so difficult when she wants it to be. My C told me last week that my W is EXPERT at saying things that will set off a reaction in me. That is so true. As Amy said, soon I will be able to see the grenades being lobbed and be adept at avoiding any emotional damage. I'm gettin' there. Still gettin' hit though. Disappointed in me for not moving out of the way faster. Workin' on anticipation and reflexes.
In the end this evening, I am happy that I got my point across, that perhaps my W's view of me is not as accurate as she may think. Maybe. Who knows? I realize that I am STILL the enemy in her eyes.
Today is Monday and it is my evening with our children. My W was telling me how much she misses our children because she has been working so much and I asked her if she'd like to come over and have dinner with us. She himmed and hawed (sp?) and I told her if she wanted to come over for dinner that would be great, but I needed to know how much food to make. She then said she wanted to know what we were having for dinner and when I told her she balked. I told her, you are now uninvited. We'll have dinner and spend the evening together and without you. She then told me, "You already invited me." I told her, I can uninvite you in the same way you uninvite me and I can also tell her when I have had enough of you being over when you come to MY place, as you do to me. She kept up with the, "You already invited me." Of course, I gave in. I met her at her house to get our children.
Our babysitter came over when I got there. She came over with her little brother and her niece. Her niece said that our children don't look anything like me. Our babysitter said that EVERYONE, including her parents, says that they look JUST LIKE me. THAT does annoy my W. The niece also made a comment that tonight was the first time that she has ever seen me and my W in the house together at the same time. It was a nice interaction with all.
I left to go get Chinese food. I then got a call that everyone, including the babysitter and clan, was coming over to my place to eat, which was great! Everyone looked around my place and D5 gave a tour. We all ate and my W and our babysitter hung my 3 picures and my clock for me. At one point, my W wanted to switch which pictures hung on which walls. I simply said, no, I want the pictures on the walls that I alread asked you to hang them on. She said why? I responded, because it's MY place, so please.... She did. My place looks finished now. AND, I had my first guests, other than family tonight. Very nice. Almost like home.
Well, I am feeling like GAL is w/in grasp. Just gotta keep on keepin' on! I am working that way. All is feeling more comfortable and workable for me. I'm feeling stronger and more capable in my life and in my R everyday. My goal is to make myself happy, healthy and whole regardless of the outcome of my M. I would love to reconcile, but if we don't, I will do great with our two children. I am laying the groundwork to be the man that God always intended for me to be.
Well, I am done journaling for tonight. I am happy that the day went the way that it did. Lots of great happenings. My W invited me to lunch. She accepted my invitation to my place for dinner w/ our children. She hung my pictures where I wanted them hung. We got along great, for the most part.
Not sure if that is progress from the M standpoint, but it is progress from OR standpoint. I'll see what tomorrow brings. Probably nothing new. Another Taekwondo lesson though. NICE!
Interacting with her is so difficult when she wants it to be. My C told me last week that my W is EXPERT at saying things that will set off a reaction in me. That is so true. As Amy said, soon I will be able to see the grenades being lobbed and be adept at avoiding any emotional damage. I'm gettin' there. Still gettin' hit though. 
Disappointed in me for not moving out of the way faster. 
She kept up with the, "You already invited me." Of course, I gave in. I met her at her house to get our children.
NICE! 