No need to apologize. We are all here for the same thing, support.
Quote: Sorry - to go back and rehash this - I missed it earlier.
What I have learnt, I think, is about control and unconditional love. I can't make my H love me. All can do is exercise unconditional love for him and hope he comes back.
Even if it doesn't work out the way I want, at least I will feel proud of my own actions.
You and I have similar feelings about our spouses. I work every day to love my wife unconditionally, but am often tripped up be my need to be judgmental and right at the expense of my happiness. NO ONE else is suffering when I choose to judge. I do understand, though, that I have a right and a duty to protect myself from someone who continually makes choices that I find hurtful. The Bible does allow for all of us to protect ourselves (by distancing) from others who continually make hurtful (to us) choices.
I want to leave NO stone unturned in trying to DB/DR my M, especially since my W is hellbent on D. I am working diligently to become the man that God always intended for me to be in the beginning, because, I want to be THAT better man and besides, if my W were to decide to want to work on our M I will be markedly different than I was when our sitch began. I still backslide too often, but I am getting better at not kicking myself in the backside too long and instead taking my mistakes as learning opportunities to do better next time.
I know that, in the end, she may not be able to forgive me and we may not reconcile and build a better, stronger, more loving M. I know this. I want to feel proud that I did everything possible to make our restoration and reconciliation a possibility so that I am able to look at myself in the mirror, look in the eyes of our children, and kneel in prayer and be proud of myself and my efforts.
