Quote: My point was that when I got my own blankets and changed the bedroom around so it was MY room she got very uncomfortable. Read the 3/27 and 3/28 posts in the same thread. Then follow the link in the last post to the next thread. This is where I did the LRT and moved to 'hardball' mode which was the hardest thing to do. It's also when everything changed.
I believe in miracles. I need to believe in them because that is what I see as being necessary. With God's help, I will continue working on becoming the man that He always intended me to be. I am certainly DBing from a different angle, one firmly directed at me now. Being in my new place, I feel like GAL is certainly not only a good thing, but also more attainable. I now have the opportunity to become again who I once was b4 I met and M my W. The ball is rolling, albeit in a somewhat confused manner. For me, it all seems like I am, emotionally anyway, back near the beginning of all this.
I'm getting there though. Getting my new place and buying items for myself and our children was a good start. I don't know that any of that is having any impact on her, but that is really irrelevant. I am working to keep my focus on me and what I must do b/c I will always have me and our 2 childen, so THAT is where my focus needs to be.
In reading posts and the responses on your thread and lots became VERY clear to me. Our situations are very similar (although not identical, of course) and I culled a great deal of insight on what I need to do going forward to get movement in my sitch. I feel like I am drowning Limbo Lake.
I have always "rescued" my W from real life. "Doing" is one of my LL, I found out. I am still having difficulty figuring out what her LL is. It seems like she is my moving target to pin that LL down on. I was always her safe harbor; the one she could always lean. She told me that she could always be herself around me and know that she is loved. Well, I do see her for who she is and, although I don't like her decisions right now, I do love and respect her anyway.
I am working on GAL and finding out again not only who I was, but who I am and who I want to be. I want her to get grounded and get well. Your D said that her mom acts like a teenager. Well, my C told me that from what I said, my W is stuck between ages 9 & 13, not wanting to be a woman, a mom, or a wife. My W has surrounded herself with friends so enjoy the 31 yr old teenager she is acting like. I worry that NOT being an adult mother to our children is going to be very damaging to our children.
I am no longer afraid of losing her. I feel like that happened a long time ago. I am uncertain on how to change directions and play hardball. I know I am certain that I am willing to go all the way with that, because I deserve more from my primary relationship than my W is capable/willing to give right now and being in limbo wreaks havoc on my mental state. I know I am worth more than I am allowing myself to feel because of my sitch. I need to detach NOW so I will start the process of healing and moving forward.
For the time being, my posts are going to be more ME centered. As they said in Platoon, "Change your mind, your a$$ will follow." Well, I have changed my mind. I will take care of me and our children now. She is an adult. She needs to realize the impact of being D before we go all the way through that door.
