Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 12 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 11 12
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
I have a lot to say about all of the kind posts today, but I am moving today and only have time for one quick answer that I have a burning desire to give NOW.
Quote:

Let me ask you this?

Are you wearing your wedding band?

Will you WALK by faith when everything you see says she's not coming back?


Yes, I most certainly AM wearing my wedding band. I am married. And yes, I do and will WALK by faith when everything I see says she's not coming back. I know that God has gathered an army of angels around me to win this fight against the enemy.

I'll post again later today. Got movin' to do.


HH
Need Help Staying on my Feet, Original Thread
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,896
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,896
Good.

That's a good start to walking by faith.

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
Thank you. I've been walking by faith from Day 1. My W has questioned why I wear my ring before on several occassions. I answered, "Because I am married." The longer I have been coming to DB and listening to you, my faith has grown leaps and bounds. I learn more every day with your and other's encouragement. Thank you, kind ma'am.


HH
Need Help Staying on my Feet, Original Thread
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,177
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,177
Quote:

The ONLY thing I take issue with is in bold above and it's the whole "meant to be" thing.
God MEANS for marriages to work out.
Most of the time though, He is invited to the wedding only.
So up climbs the divorce rate...
but He always "means" for marriages and families to last.
That being said, it's the people that screw it up.




Ok, and in THAT part, true to form, I didn't mention God at all. I never said that GOD didn't mean for it to work out, I meant that PEOPLE cannot control the actions of other PEOPLE and sometimes things just don't work out no matter how much we want them to. God may mean for marriage to work, but obviously many of US do not.

GH


Current Thread


Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,896
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,896
Right on, GH.

GH if you read this, I need some help.
Can you go to my thread and read what I am requesting from my friends here. Will you help me?

You too, Frank...


Thanks.



Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,941
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,941
Quote:

I have faith though that everything will turn out as it should.


As you should. What you need to realize is that 'should be' means several things, some of which require action on your W's part.

YOU 'should' have a good and decent life, with a loving partner and the freedom to be who you really are. That is your goal right now, to become the person who will be prepared to have these things.

YOUR W 'should' find her innner self respect, not need to be a caretaker, or codependent on others and generally become mature and emotionally self sufficient. We don't know if that is her goal right now.

The mindset you need to adopt is the same one I had. I was going to get MY life back on the track I wanted it on. After a while it was becoming clear that W was falling behind me in getting HER life on track. All I could do was stay strong and be a good example.

Luckily, she snapped out of it when she saw ME being strong and truly not 'needing' her.

Your W will go down a similar path. None of us know if she will wake up in time while you still want her. You may grow beyond her because your blinders are off. It's up to HER to change too.


Current Thread

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,177
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,177
And yea, what Frank said. That's closer to what I meant than what I posted Amy, lol.

GH


Current Thread


Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
Quote:

What you need to realize is that 'should be' means several things, some of which require action on your W's part.


I have become VERY clean on what I need over the past few days. I did realize that for my sitch to have progress, action is required on my W's part.

Quote:

YOU 'should' have a good and decent life, with a loving partner and the freedom to be who you really are. That is your goal right now, to become the person who will be prepared to have these things.


I have realized that, despite my A, I am actually a good person. That does not mean that my A was right, regardless of what contributed to the deterioration of our M. The A was flat our stupid and wrong.

Quote:

YOUR W 'should' find her innner self respect, not need to be a caretaker, or codependent on others and generally become mature and emotionally self sufficient. We don't know if that is her goal right now.


I certainly don't know what her goals are right now. I believe she doesn't either. I do hope that during her journey she will remain safe, become happy again, stay (or get) healthy, and become whole. SHE deserves that, as do our children.

Quote:

The mindset you need to adopt is the same one I had. I was going to get MY life back on the track I wanted it on. After a while it was becoming clear that W was falling behind me in getting HER life on track. All I could do was stay strong and be a good example.


THAT is my goal now. I have realized that I don't need my W. I very much want to remain M, but I don't need her. I am continuing on my path of self-realization and self-improvement. I pray for her to do the same. I am going to continue on my path regardless.

Quote:

Luckily, she snapped out of it when she saw ME being strong and truly not 'needing' her.


My W will see what yours saw. I only hope she snaps out of it while I am remaining open to reconciliation.

Quote:

Your W will go down a similar path. None of us know if she will wake up in time while you still want her. You may grow beyond her because your blinders are off.


THAT is my biggest fear, that I will continue growing and she will not and I will no longer be open to reconciliation when her blinders come off. For the foreseeable future, though, I am in this battle for her, my M and my family to WIN! No white flags! No quitting. No surrender.
Quote:

It's up to HER to change too.


Yes it is. I only recently that truth. I pray while I show patience, love and understanding.


HH
Need Help Staying on my Feet, Original Thread
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
TY, GH


HH
Need Help Staying on my Feet, Original Thread
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 476
more journaling- 07/15/06

Sitting in my new place and feeling really alone and down. The reality of my sitch hit me hard the last 3 days. Setting up a new home. Shopping for all new stuff w/o asking if she liked whatever I was considering buying. Strange and sad. I'll be OK though.

I have come to the conclusion that, regardless, I will be fine. I love my W and I very much want our M to work, but if she won't allow that to happen, I know I'll be fine with her decision. Sad, but OK.

I am getting stronger everyday. Dealing with the sadness is becoming more comfortable and familiar. I am becoming stronger and more confident that the Lord will help me to become the man that he always intended me to be and that my life will be more happy, more loving, and more secure going forward. It'll be different...but we'll all be OK.

Job news. I have another interview with the company I mentioned before. This time with the director of marketing. We'll see. Think positive thoughts for me on Wed at 8:00 AM PST.

Gotta run, will journal more on Sunday evening. I am feeling much more secure with me regardless of my W's ultimast decision regarding going all the way thru with the D. Thank you all for your help, encouragement, direction and the occasional much needed dose o freality and clarity.


HH
Need Help Staying on my Feet, Original Thread
Page 7 of 12 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 11 12

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5