Quote: I had my 5th test and 2nd panel interview for a job with a large reputable company with LOTs of opportunity for advancement. The last panel said they would recommend me for the position and that, although he NEVER does this, he would talk with some other managers about me and possibly using me and my skill sets in other areas than the one I recently applied for. I am DOING. I am so afraid to DO anything b/c I feel like any action other than what my W wants and approves of will surely mean my D. But who am I kidding, my W is so sure that she wants the D. I have to stop living for her because I am dying by not living for me.
Is that what you want a response to?
Yes, that's the one. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Quote: Ummmm....the job prospect sounds like a great opportunity and I hope they call you back...and ummmmm.....what the hell does it matter what your wife thinks? SHE wanted to be separated from you, well she is....
It doesn't matter. One more step away from my codependence on her. BTW, thank you for your comment about manliness and working for my MIL. Made complete sense when someone else said that.
Quote: Quite frankly it is none of her business where you work...and besides that, she treats you like crap and it's not good to have your mother in law up your butt all the time because I have gotten the feeling she rides both sides of the fence...
I have come to the same conclusion. It's just that often I am unclear on how to proceed when it comes to my W. I'm not that way anywhere else in my life. As far as my MIL goes, she always wants to look like the good guy (girl?) to everyone even when both sides are mutually exclusive and have severely opposing wants/views.
Quote: ...and can you tell me, just how long HAS it been that you have been trying to read you wife's mind and do only what you perceive would make her happy?
Our entire M.
Quote: Well, times they are a changin'.
You're gonna make YOU happy now.
Just be your own man, man.
Remember?
A while back I gave you a mason jar....
Yep, times are a changin'. I actually broke the mason jar a couple of days ago (took 'em out first, of course!). Feels good to be havin' a pair again. It feels even better to remind myself that I don't need to be an A-hole to have 'em. I'm gettin' use to 'em again. Feel kinda foreign.
In short HH, I think your new job prospects sound GREAT and I think it is 100% positive for you to move from the shadow of your MIL and into a sitch where you can work on your own issues without THAT issue muddying things up for you.
Good for you man. I really think this will help your sitch.
And now for the new "stuff." My W just sent an e-mail to the mediator asking about our filing date. She also asked about changing her name back to her maiden name now and getting spousal and child support in writing (formalized). Let the sh*tstorm begin. Spousal support is new. Before she quit her job before, she had always made more $$$ than I. She believes that she deserves more child support. According to the court's website, she deserves less based on how much she is making now. We'll see.
Amy, I know I need to thicken my hide and dodge this kind of stuff, but it still hurts even when I see it coming. I have faith though that everything will turn out as it should. The Lord will touch us both.
Quote: I have faith though that everything will turn out as it should. The Lord will touch us both.
I know this was directed at the "white" angel on your shoulder, not the little red one (me, lol) but I'll take this one first.
HH, I want to make sure that your faith is in the fact that God will provide you with a life you can handle and that you can prosper in should you choose to because one of the most difficult parts of all this is in the acceptance that it may just not be meant to be. I am NOT saying give up hope, but I feel like you are expressing an expectation that things will work out between you and W as a matter of faith.
To me, and this is just my focus on words/semantics, the thing to have is HOPE in terms of your marriage and FAITH that no matter what happens with your marriage that God will guide you, and you will choose to rebuild your life to be stronger, better and most of all, HAPPIER than ever before. THAT is where the leap of faith comes in. It's so hard to understand how things could EVER be BETTER if all goes to hell in a hand-basket but you know what, they CAN be and you need to let your FAITH tell you that.
HH, I don't post this to lessen your hope. I post this to make sure that you are focused on the right thing and that thing is YOUR improvement, independent from the state of your M.
Do not focus on what she is doing or saying....her voice needs to come at you like it's Charlie Brown's teacher talking. EVEN if it's in an email.
Sometimes you have to put your hands over your ears like a 2 year old and sing LALALALALALALALA....
You can't absorb anything that is negative right now. Shields up! What you take in is what's gonna come out so take in only that which is good and healthy for you.
Quote: I have faith though that everything will turn out as it should. The Lord will touch us both.
I know this was directed at the "white" angel on your shoulder, not the little red one (me, lol) but I'll take this one first.
HH, I want to make sure that your faith is in the fact that God will provide you with a life you can handle and that you can prosper in should you choose to because one of the most difficult parts of all this is in the acceptance that it may just not be meant to be. I am NOT saying give up hope, but I feel like you are expressing an expectation that things will work out between you and W as a matter of faith.
To me, and this is just my focus on words/semantics, the thing to have is HOPE in terms of your marriage and FAITH that no matter what happens with your marriage that God will guide you, and you will choose to rebuild your life to be stronger, better and most of all, HAPPIER than ever before. THAT is where the leap of faith comes in. It's so hard to understand how things could EVER be BETTER if all goes to hell in a hand-basket but you know what, they CAN be and you need to let your FAITH tell you that.
HH, I don't post this to lessen your hope. I post this to make sure that you are focused on the right thing and that thing is YOUR improvement, independent from the state of your M.
GH
HOLY CRAP! YOU ALMOST WENT "THERE", GH!!! Careful now!!
Quote: HOLY CRAP! YOU ALMOST WENT "THERE", GH!!! Careful now!!
Actually, I can let myself off the hook because I was only using HIS language and clarifying it. I was not suggesting anything more than he was suggesting himself, lol.
NOW if the day comes when I come out of the blue with "Let God guide you my son" then you can get excited.
Quote: HH, I want to make sure that your faith is in the fact that God will provide you with a life you can handle and that you can prosper in should you choose to because one of the most difficult parts of all this is in the acceptance that it may just not be meant to be. I am NOT saying give up hope, but I feel like you are expressing an expectation that things will work out between you and W as a matter of faith.
To me, and this is just my focus on words/semantics, the thing to have is HOPE in terms of your marriage and FAITH that no matter what happens with your marriage that God will guide you, and you will choose to rebuild your life to be stronger, better and most of all, HAPPIER than ever before. THAT is where the leap of faith comes in. It's so hard to understand how things could EVER be BETTER if all goes to hell in a hand-basket but you know what, they CAN be and you need to let your FAITH tell you that.
HH, I don't post this to lessen your hope. I post this to make sure that you are focused on the right thing and that thing is YOUR improvement, independent from the state of your M.
Good job, grasshopper.
The ONLY thing I take issue with is in bold above and it's the whole "meant to be" thing.
God MEANS for marriages to work out.
Most of the time though, He is invited to the wedding only.
So up climbs the divorce rate...
but He always "means" for marriages and families to last.
That being said, it's the people that screw it up.
I'll use myself as an example.
Pay attention to this, HH.
I'll try to write the short version
Individually I was lost.
My marriage left a lot to be desired.
I had an affair
Spent about 2 1/2 years walking 'round the mountain and the last nine months trying to reclaim all I threw away.
Am I now within God's will for my life?
YES.
What are the repercussions of what I did?
MY HUSBAND IS EMOTIONALLY CUT OFF FROM ME... How do I fight that?
By faith that this stand is exactly where God means for me to be. I am within His Word and within His will. I fought to get here and I fight to stay. BUT my hope is in God Who said He will "restore the years" and Who said He will "bind up the brokenhearted and "bring back that which was driven away".....My hope is not in my husband Am I standing in such a way that I EXPECT to win?
Yes What can ruin it?
My husband.
If he decides that he will live by fear that I would hurt him again, then he will never come home...if there is unforgiveness in his heart, then he will never come home. THOSE are things HE has to fight though. MY job is to pray him through. I know that because God showed me that it was my husband's prayers that brought ME out. See, I only have to look in a mirror to see evidence of just how God can change a person.
Do you say you leave it in God's hands because He is the Source of all your hope or because He is your last resort?
HH, the first thing you need to understand about standing 'by faith' is that you don't just stand there.
Faith is actually a act. It's really something you DO not something you HAVE.
Let me ask you this?
Are you wearing your wedding band?
Will you WALK by faith when everything you see says she's not coming back?
See, after 9 months of this I can say that God is going to take care of me no matter what my husband chooses. I know this because all along He has been teaching me, growing me, cultivating me. I know this because I know my stand is RIGHT, my heart is RIGHT and even when I stumble I know that it was God Who pulled me out of the pit and set my feet upon the Rock and it is He Who orders my steps now. If He did not leave me through all the crap I did, He sure won't leave me now.
Same goes for you.
I am DOING. I am so afraid to DO anything b/c I feel like any action other than what my W wants and approves of will surely mean my D. But who am I kidding, my W is so sure that she wants the D. I have to stop living for her because I am dying by not living for me. 
Made complete sense when someone else said that.
Feels good to be havin' a pair again. It feels even better to remind myself that I don't need to be an A-hole to have 'em. 