Something has been bothering me again. I have said this before to you and I'll say it again on the heels of Franks masterful post to you.
You SEEM sometimes to revel in this process. I recognized it because I have it in me too. What I fear is that you are SO wrapped up in the process that progress is not being made. Each new post to you seems like a revelation when by now, the revelations should probably be combing from YOU more than us.
I think a lot of what Frank is talking about is just that. The idea that it's time to stop celebrating the PROCESS of self-discovery and start actually DOING it.
I can't really put my finger on it, and someday I will, but again, there is something about your general positive nature in all this that is both great from a PMA perspective and disturbing as well. Like I said, it's like you "get off" somehow on all this.
I am not saying you enjoy the pain on any conscious level...or do you? I think that's another aspect of Franks analysis; you DO get off on the pain because you think you deserve it.
I wish I could find a way to articulate what I feel here. I cannot. It's just a gut feeling and I think in the end, it's probably been best expressed by Frank.
One thing I would recommend to you is that you find the time to read some or if possible ALL of Frank's threads around the boards. While I don't 100% agree with everything he did because it frankly (no pun intended) does not really suit my personality, I DO identify with HOW he did things. In general, think it's a blueprint for how to not only go about DBing and incorporating other philosophies into it but also how to share your experiences and help others in the process.
I guess, now that I have been thinking hard about you, I THINK I can better express what I was trying to earlier in the post. Your thread/process is basically to Journal, get responses, act amazed/surpriesed/blessed/happy/etc at the response, then post a lot of "I KNOW I have to do xxx and yyy" mixed with a lot of (please, don't take offense at this) "God will move me" stuff...rinse and repeat. It's not bad, but after awhile, you should have been moved a bit more that you have been if you know what I mean.
What's missing for me is the actual DOING part. I know you do things, but somehow most of that is lost in the translation. You TALK a lot about certain things, but there is a lot of repeating going on. There is a lot of "us" saying the same things, you responding the same way, only to do it all over again a week later.
Look HH, you are no different than the rest of us. You struggle with WHAT to do and HOW to do it. We ALL do. Frank has just given you a wonderful gift, some of all of which may apply to you TODAY and give you cause for action. Read, respond and then do.
I KNOW you have it in you to comprehend these things and then do something about them. Of that I am sure. The rest is up to you.
