Shels, I do think this is more of a divorce-busting situation than a sex-starved marriage situation. Have you looked into Michele's book DivorceBusting (or is it DivorceBustERS)?
Re Lil (Why would you think your comment was "flip"????? I did not know if you were trying to be comical or were cracking a semi joke or something else. I also did not want to look like I was nit-picking.
Cobra will say someone is X or Y or should do A or B. I don't make many declarative statements. I suggest things and even ease into most of those suggestions.
I am not putting my abilities down but realise I am not in the top 20% when it comes to making helpful suggestions to other posters that are in need. I have good intentions but not always the best, most applicable, or highest quality of advice.
Maybe flip was not the most accurate word to use. Maybe there is a relationship between what I do at home with some of the things BB does and I re-do. Like loading similar things together in the dishwasher. She puts different shaped things next to each other and I used to rearrange things.. BB felt I was trying to make her look deficient some how.
I have told her I was just trying to get more dishes in the dishwasher and trying to help the cleaning process. To her, I was acting like she was not knowledgeable enough to load the dishwasher correctly.
BB's method was big bowl next to a little bowl, next to a big bowl, next to a little bowl and so on did not look the best to me so I did all same shapes soup dishes, then Med bowls. Me OCD? Maybe just a little, you counter you.
Other spatial relationship issues. I get 95% of the things back in a box the item came in. BB's rate is less than 30%. I get the final suitcase or moving box packing jobs too.
So me correcting the title you suggested, to "The Divorce Remedy," was me trying to tread lightly, about my suggestion/correction issues, in case you meant something else or somehow didn't like me or anyone else coming behind you saying my way or advice is better.
Lil, I really don't think you are that sensitive. It is more my problem due to some of my issues with people I have dealt with, especially BB.
With BB and a few others, I have to hold back in several areas and don't want to be thought of as a know it all or something similar unless it is something I really am knowledgeable, for instance some models of printers.
I do have the book "The Divorce Remedy" and consider it one of my top 10% books. I think Divorce Busting was printed first, and The Divorce Remedy later, and a little more understandable or laid out so most people found it easier or logical to follow.
I have both of them and have read them at least twice with highlights. DR is better and talks point blank about thinking you not "in love" anymore. It has a great chapter on handling the difference in sexual appetites. That is where I thought we were.
We went through the whole thing about his moving out. He changed his mind and said he was committed to working on the marriage. That is why I started to address the issues one by one that we are having. The most important one to me was the lack of sex/attention. Our talk the other night started out about the sex then turned to our R in general. With him saying he doesn't feel any different towards me in his heart than when he had planned to move out. And that, in fact, he should of moved out.
That is what threw me for a loop. I was under the impression that we were both committed to the same thing. Our marriage and it's problems. Now it seems he's not committed to our marriage.
I did copy and paste my sitch to the newcomers forum I was using for the whole seperation issue. Sorry, I didn't mean to get this one off track. You can visit me at the newcomers forum.
Shels, I'm sorry we weren't more help. One does get the feeling that there's more going on with your H than he's letting on.
The place you're in is so tough because you really don't know where he's coming from and you're waiting to see what he decides/does before you settle on what your position is. You're on a moving surface trying to hit a moving target.
Lou, I think being around BB is making you tread more lightly than you need to, kwim? You are not an overbearing pushy domineering thug-- at least not on this board. Your suggestion of another book or a book in addition was totally fine and okay... and if by some weird chance I got my panties in a twist over it and felt like you were trying to one-up me or put me down (which never came close to crossing my mind), your comments STILL would have been appropriate in content as well as method of delivery.
Just because BB thinks you're a pushy b@stard doesn't mean you are one.
OTOH I do IRL exactly what you did: I try to couch my comments so that they will not cause bf to have some kind of outburst or bite my head off-- and sometimes over the simplest things, as you point out.
Re Lil Lou, I think being around BB is making you tread more lightly than you need to Step father for a long time, then I was sort of OK, then BB started working at the hospital and back to treading lightly some times for me.
Sometimes I can just act as If nothing bothers me, Other times ?????,,,, not worth the effort.
You are not an overbearing pushy domineering thug-- at least not on this board. Thank's for the compliment. I found being pushy does not work.
if by some weird chance I got my panties in a twist ...... You! Do that? Hasn't happened so far. I trust history. That is till I posted to you on Fran's thread today.
Just because BB thinks you're a pushy b@stard doesn't mean you are one. More like "Men are controlling."
OTOH I do IRL exactly what you did: I try to couch my comments so that they will not cause bf to have some kind of outburst or bite my head off-- Lil, like they say, I/you know what to do/don't do but we still play it safe. I am not surprised. I think that is the way most reasonable people act.
) 
One does get the feeling that there's more going on with your H than he's letting on. 
Do that? 
on Fran's thread today.