OK, I’ll bite…. Sex is not the issue. It sounds to me like you are the classic pursuer, he is the classic avoider. This is what I see so far. Correct me if I’m wrong:
Your life is completely wrapped up in serving your H, to the point that you have no life of your own, no sense of who you are as a person or what you stand for. Your validation and sense of security comes from having your H appreciate all you do for him. You are dependent on him to reflect back to you that you are a good person. Without him, this feeling is lost. Can you see that you are extremely codependent? My guess is that you have strong abandonment issues, just like so many other pursuers. You need to look into your past, your family of origin (FOO) to understand why you are this way and therefore what you can do to heal this.
I also get the impression there is no excitement or spark in your marriage. Your life has become boring. But your H is in the Navy. I don’t know of many men who go into the armed services looking for a quiet, boring life. They are adrenaline junkies and need the “fix” of danger and excitement to keep them positive in life. While I think there are many who have chemical imbalances, there are others who look to this type of excitement as a way to avoid facing emotional issues. They are afraid to look into themselves and face whatever pain might be there (most likely coming from their FOO).
Now you are flooding your H with more emotion than he is comfortable with. On top of that he sees the “reward” of fixing the marriage as a lifetime of having you serve him. Way too boring to be of any interest for him. He is trained as a hunter. Where is the hunt with you?
My advice is to look through this board on some of threads by myself, Heather, Blackfoot, Lillieperl and many others. Get some books on codependency and work on you first. Become a real person and make yourself exciting and something a hunter like your H would want to capture. Also think about breaking out of your shell of mundane daily life. This is what I read in your H’s comments regarding what should you two do between now and when you die in each other’s arms. He wants a life, an exciting, passionate life. You want a safe, secure, quiet home life wrapped under his protection. From his point of view – yuck!
