Now Kent, I deserve better than to be called a lot to learn to learn LOL

I just want to find peace within myself that my life is to learn. I need to learn to accept all the insecurities of life while keeping a positive and appreciative attitude. One of my mentor friends put it exactly this way in an e-mail to me:

"I KNOW that I WOULD MISS/ WOULDN'T SEE GOOD MOMENTS!! if I didn't look at life in a positive way."

She is the most positive person I know despite cognitive deficits and living life in a wheelchair due to MS. Wish we could bottle what she's got and pass it around. But finding one's way to such an attitude is a rewarding journey in itself.

So what's the hang-up in our marriage? Used to think it was the things you mention. Now I think it is simply that we haven't yet learned how to bring out and effectively communicate our love. May sound schmaltzy but that is it. I can't do anything about how my H learns but I want more than anything to learn to respect and love myself and the people in my life. All my other goals are founded on me learning that.

I agree, no deep hidden meaning to marriage. Certainly, it is just about the simplest most basic of relationships and we humans have been managing it both well and poorly since it first began (surely most every married person has done it both ways!). However, I have not lost faith in two strong individuals who share their lives deeply in conscious, mutually expressed love. My H and I have that, it just needs to be nurtured. Nurturing a marriage at times involves a lot of self control—I’m working on that. It is very important lesson for McCords, Rachel ! That’s what these folks are trying to teach you and have had a heck of a time trying to teach me.

I am with my husband because we love each other, not any reason outside of the marriage. We have both been through a very long and terrible experience and as we become knowledgeable and capable with how, we are helping ourselves and each other to heal. Even in the best of circumstances, which I am very fortunate to have, this is difficult and it is a different process from the situation of having one spouse not fully committed to the marriage.

Our process has been hindered lately because I’ve been afraid to thoughtfully, lovingly open up--afraid to trust who I am and what I have. That is essentially what Retrovaille is all about. My H surprised me by saying in our counseling session that was an important turning point for him (we had lost communication so much I thought he had discounted that experience—that is just sad!). If your H wants to talk, Rachel, (what a wonderful thing that is!) he would love Retrovaille!

2L