2learn-I feel exactly the way you do! I know what you mean that is gets different once your back together and know your both commited (I too, hope he's on the same page as me-he says he is)It's like we are together but there is so much more we have to do to be where we both want to be. It's hard to know what to do and when. My H wants to talk. He wants conversation. WEll, that's fine, but he does not want to talk about anything intimant. I guess he just want sto talk like two friends except with a friend you talk about EVERYTHING. He's not real comfortable talking about everything and frankly neither am I. I'm afraid of stirring the pot too much. We both want more intimacy (not sex-that's pretty much ok), but don;t know where to start to get there. C helps, but that's 2 hrs every other week that youhave to talk and feel safe. WE use Mirroring where yousau something and the other one repeats it back to you and asks youif that's right and I say yes or no, nad he asks if theres more and if there is then I tell him and he repaests it and so on. It makes you feel heard. They cannot interrupt and start talking about thier own stuff. I have started using it at home sometimes, but then the bad thing is that you get to say what you feel and they listen, but you don't get any real answers unless he chooses to talk on his own after I am done. Ijst want to know when I'll really start to trust him again after such a long affair. How ca I ever know he is telling me the truth? Youhad to have had a hard time 2Learn since your H had a long A too. It's so hard and he does not like to bring it up. It's true they just want it to all go away becasue they say its over and they love you. SOrry-it doese not happen that fast. It feels light years away before I can really trust him again. I act as if-that's the best I can do right now nad I'm tryingto calm myself from the anxiety and tell myself if he is cheatign ther is not ONE single thing I can do about it and its his choice. I'd just have to deal with that if it ever came up-hopefully it NEVER will. Let me know how your doing! Rachael M.
