ALTL2L, **************************************************** Our issues aren't about loving each other, we do and we know it, individually. They are not about commitment, we are and we know it, individually (OK, on this one I still hope this is true fo him~). It has been about doing what it takes for the other to feel good about him/herself and to feel loved by the other and that has involved SHARING FEELINGS, PERCEIVED NEEDS without feeling apologetic for them, AND THOUGHTS HONESTLY and NOT KEEPING THEM INSIDE. ********************************************************** So what is it all about?? The hangup that is. Is it the fact that you are different?? Is it that you need more closeness than he does??? Is it lingering insecurity???? Is it the fact that like me, you are a tad type A and fall off the deep end occasionally?????
Your right in that we are'nt strictly DBing anymore. Piecing is uncharted water for each couple. This is where you have to apply what you learned about doing what works.
Sometimes that means you need to be selfish. Sometimes giving. Sometimes sharing. Sometimes it means leaving our spouse alone. Sometimes we want to be alone.
I don't believe there is some deep hidden meaning to M. It's a day to day effort of melding two personalities to make a relationship work. One might ask why? For me, it has alot to do with my desire to have children. It also has alot to do with building strength. The family united stands much stronger than the individual ever could alone. It also has alot to do with occasional sharing that transpires between husband and wife.
I'm not so sure you will find all the answers here on this BB. I am coming to realize that I can usually find the answers within myself. As long as I am willing to face the truth. That's not always easy.
I've been thinking of starting a thread over in "Staying Solutions Focused" My thoughts are still getting organized as to what I need to accomplish. I don't feel like I am Piecing anymore . Not in the traditional sense. However, like you, there is much more work for me to do within.