Thank you 2 learn-you inspire me and wow do I need it! You've been there-you feel like your falling with nothing to grab ahold of. So-since you first discovered the A he never went back to her? How were you so sure? I feel like my H is telling the truth but yet its' so hard after yrs of lying to really believe-I'm afraid to. I could not live with hin if he was lying either as much as I love him with all of my heart. He sounds very much like your H. I don't think anyone is going to be harder on himself that he is. I think that is why he started smoking at age 48, and drives with out fastening his seatbelt-seems like small stuff but it means something-they are ashamed and have deep feelings of guilt. My fear was those things meant he was still having the A. I don't think he could do that to me again or his kids. He also is a man of integrity that no one-I MEAN NO ONE beleived he was capable of this. I have to look to me also for my part. HE still was dead wrong for his choice, but I was dead wrong fro taking him titally for granted and shuttting him almost completely out of my life. The wounds were deep,a nd this OW was there to sooth him. HE never wanted this to happen. He says if he could take it ALL back he would. HE is not in love with the OW-she just met needs I wsa not and he wanted so bad for the good things to be with me but did not know what to do. ALl it took was me confronting him in C,because someone saw them l IT was almost like he wanted to get caught. She has not p;ace in our lives and he would never marry her or even live with her. She was a substitute for what he wanted with me. Still....the trust comes ever so slow. Patience is right my friend. Thank you for sharing-It has given me new hope that I have needed so badly. I may post to you on bad days or when I'm feeleling overwhelmed. OUr lives are so much alike in how we handled it. I too am on MEDICATION-without is I never would have survived. I am off work on disability becasue my panic and anxiety were too much.I am seeing a therapist once or twice a week, and we go to therapy as a couple every other week. I am ever soooo slow helaiong this brokeness but I feel like you that we willbe stronger and I can love him like I never did before. He has to learn to trust that too. I'm so glad you posted-I am grateful-maybe God put you in front of me becsaue I needed to hear this. I will let you know how things turn out. Gratefully, Rachael M. (wouldn't it be a hoot if we really were realated!)
