Keeping your feelings to yourself is a temporary thing, 2L. There is a better place. It's a place where you can air your concerns without finger-pointing. A place where you both can take constructive criticism.
But you're not there yet. Right now, there's been too much finger-pointing in your recent past, and any criticism is taken as more of it.
The way to the "better place" is to suck in all of your criticisms and exhude PMA. You have to do this long enough for the air of negativity to fade into the past.
It's taken me two years, but. Well, you've read my thread lately.
My W had gotten so defensive that she would cringe if I touched her. In her words, she didn't want to encourage me. This example is of a sexual nature, but it went beyond that.
The same things went for anything that she said or did that I didn't like.
"Honey, could you please not do that?"
"Fine! you're right again, and I'm wrong again!"
The only way I could break the cycle was to let her be right all of the time.
That's no way to have a R.
But, that's not how it is anymore.
It was just a phase that we had to go through.
But I think you're doing well, 2L. You're not complaining when he doesn't listen, but you show appreciation when he does.
The whole problem with his fear of hurting you is that he has to think about it. It's a lot of hard work, and it requires him to think of bad things (hurting you) in order to avoid them. This give your R an aura of negativity.
So, all I can say is that you should try to concentrate on the positive, don't react to the negative, and let him be himself.
He wants a good R with you, 2L. But part of a good R is the ability to relax and not second guess how your actions and words will be taken.
This is kind of a rambling post. I hope you can glean something out of it.
