Andy-SO, if they don't know how to clean it up what do WE do? I won't say anything else to him about it in order to take the pressure off-although he was extra sweet to me this morning and when talking on the phone told me ILY ith more meanig than ususal. I think the sex he had with th OW was just that- SEX. HE obviously was still attractd to me in that it never stopped with us either. I did not know about the A, and could feel tht he was distant but he still wanted to be with me. I think it was a case of feeling guilty of being with both if us. DAH! I'm sure he told her he was not with me because I'm SURE as the world she asked. SO he was lying to her also.I let her know different in the one time I called her-she was not home, so I left her a nice little voice mail that I'm sure she did NOT appreciate and I'm sure she told my H about it although he never said anything about it. Ahhhh. Since coming back home H has been differnt in intiamcy in that he talks now during sex. He asks for what he wants, and asks me what I want. I tell him but I'm sure she was lewd about it and used dirty language which he has never done with me and he knows I won't with him. I don't mind the talking and asking-I think that is fine, I just wish he hadn't gotten it from her. But...if I can use it to my advantage, I see no problem with it. And if it brings him more pleasure that is fine too. He has never done anything sexually to offend me-except the A of course. He is very giving and loving. SO....do I keep initiating? I asked him if he wanted me to and he said yes, but his body is telling me something different. I could get him interested if I really wanted to but I don't want to force the issue, and make it look like I'm using it as a tool. He made that comment before-that I used sex as a tool. Well, it is a good way to make up. I think they see everything through affair colored glasses for awhile after the A is over. They are so confused about what they feel and what they don't feel and what they want, and what they dont want. Thus..the moving target syndrome. Does his not wanting sex make me insecure about the R-you bettcha. Because its out of character for him. Maybe not with what he's going through, but how do I know WHY he does not want it? It could be for so many different reasons. I think it bothers him and he has hurt his back and I think he wants me to beleive that's why he is not interested right now. I'm not stupid. This was happenening before he hurt his back, and besides that NEVER stopped him before! He knows it hurts my feelings-I told him-He knows it makes me wonder what is going on- I told him that too. I don't know why in the world I wouldn't. Its like the elephant in the living room for pity sake. Not talking about it isn't going to make it go away. I think it matters a great deal HOW you talk about it. I did it lovingly and like I was concerned because I am! Maybe it will make him think about it whereas before he would have shoved it aside. WE'll see-its been 5 days-that's a LONG time for him. He will have to be the one to initiate though this weekend. I tried enough this week-subtly, but I tried and I don't like getting turned down much. Rachael M.
