What I’m gonna say applies to both of you, and from what I’ve seen and experienced, seems to be pretty universal.
When a man and a woman fall in love, and start having sex, it’s magical. It’s a bonding experience. Their souls become one. They transcend into another world.
But sooner or later, you have to go back to the real world. Life catches up with you, and for any number of reasons, someone (usually seems to be the woman) doesn’t feel it any more. Life gets in the way. Stress, fatigue, hormones… It doesn’t matter what the reason is, it just happens.
When this happens, the other still wants to go back to that wonderful place. It’s a slap in the face of epic proportions that the spouse doesn’t feel the same way. The sense of rejection is intense (see my post on Low Sexual Desire (Page 1))
The sexual experience becomes a stressor in the R instead of the bonding experience that it once was.
I have no personal experience on either side of an A, but it appears that in a lot of cases, it’s a desperate attempt to get back to “the place.”
Well, the success rate of getting there via an A is abysmal. Certainly in both of your cases, your Hs didn’t succeed or they wouldn’t be with you now.
But “the place” has been fowled by all of this.
I don’t believe your perspective Hs are in that place with someone else right now. If it can be cleaned up, they’d love to go there with you. But, they don’t see how to clean it up. (men are lousy at house cleaning, you should both know that.)
