Lisa-My H does not seem to expect me to do cartwheels over every little change. On the contrary-he thinks it's me that needs to change the most. I have changed in so many ways that I don't even think he's noticed but I would'nt because he is not the type to say anything about it. It's more of what he doesn't say-But I think he's in a position after being in an A that he thinks he does not really have the right to do alot of complaining. Of course in C. we discissed pre A issues and how he felt and how this whole thing could have happened. He did take responsibility saying no matter what,it should never have happened and that he wished he could turn back time. We don't fight much anymore but when we do he seems to act like I have not changed at all-probably kindof like I feel that it reminds me of how he was acting during the A and makes me wonder if its still going on, but when he's acting very loving I don't feel that way-just when he gets distant or mody I slip up and think, he must still be talking or seeing her. Here's my dilema of the day. H. has seemed to have lost interest in sex. AS I have stated before, he has always been very sexual. and it would take just a look or a touch or just seeing me to turn him on. Now its like he can see me get out of the shower and...nothing. He used to come up tp me and start playing feely meely, and now that does not happen either. He just gives me a peck on the cheek,and goes on his merry way. In bed at night and in the am....just being close to me he would have been turned on. Now he avoids touching me in private areas unless we are actually going to have sex, which I ususally initiate. I've tried to initiate a couple of times this week but he wasn't biting. It's like I just don't turn him on anymore. He denies this, but the proof is in the pudding so tp speak. I told him how I felt about this last night in the hot tub-another place he always used to try and attack me sexually. We used the mirroring technique-I tell him something and he mirrors it back to me and then asks if there's more. So I brought up the sexual issue and told him that since he does not seem to want me sexually much anymore it really makles me wonder and makes me insecure about the OW. He just mirrored-he did not have to offer any explanations, and he didn't. Is this really normal? I mean this guy who couldn't get enough and complained all the time because I never wanted sex now does not seem interested! Taht was one of his main excuses fro the affair-that he did not feel wanted or desired. I could see how he would mistrust it for a time after we first got back together, but its been 5 months and I'm still the same-my new anti depressant does not lessen my libido the way the others did-he knows this. What am I suppose to make of that? T-bone said try not initiating sex for a week, but hen he recided because of how myH and I were getting along. That was last week. Over the weekend we had sex 3 times but it was my initiation because we were getting along really good and the weekends we have more time-although when he first came home we were at it almost every night and morning. Now-it's just not there for him and I'm wondering what is going on-why this change? One cannot help but think it has something to do with the OW although last night was the first time I voiced my concern about that. What should I do? Leave him alone? I have not been acting moppy about it, I just back off when I see he's not interested and the last few nights I don't even try.He will just hold me and I leave him alone. He will sniggle with me but does not get turned on. I don't know what to think about all this, and don't know what to do. HAve any of you women experienced this and how long does it last? What did you do? Andy I posted this on yours because I now you have this problem with your W except she did not have an affair, just a low libido. That has never been the case for my H. I know...everyone says he feels so guilty, blah, blah , blah. I don't know if I buy that one since this is something that has just come on the last 3 weeks or so. I really can't help but wonder if he's talkig to her or seeing her and THAT is what he feels guilty about, because he swears he's not and if he's lying then he would most assuredly feel guilty and not want to be with both of us. That was something I asked him when I found out about the A. How could you? How could you be with both of us at the same time? Now I'm wondering....Rachael M.
