Some really fantastic things from GH here. Listen to EVERYTHING he says.
First thing, you need to detach. Seems that you and I are in similar situations....and what GH described is partial or whole MLC, which I am just getting familiar with, and might help you to read articles from that forum too, just to help you not feel crazy.
Start focusing on yourself, your issues and what you want in life. This is SUCH A HARD stage, this limbo, But, we have to make the best of it. Life gives us so many opportunities, we cannot squander them. If you can't learn the real lessons from this horrible mess, who is to guarantee this won't happen again in this M or another one.
You're lucky that H is feeling emotions, anger or whatever. He still feels something. Good. Good that he wants to talk. Like GH said, this is your chance to listen, be gentle and loving, and whatever 180 you want. Stop the anxiety..it pressures him, and unattractive. Yes, we think that they're our partners and we should share ourselves, but they are not thinking as a partner right now. So you act accordingly.
Think of how you would react in R talks before. Lots of questions? Anxiety? Tears? Why can't you XXX? Well, do the opposite of that. I did several times and it worked with H. He actually said he felt safer around me. That's BIG.
Time to start with 180's, look deep within yourself, not just the superficial changes, but deep. This will take time...it's not instant ,and a good thing, b/c you realize that it takes you just as long to truly change and work on your issues. After 8 months, I'm just now looking a the grand picture of my life to change....so how could I have wanted to jump into making a great M months ago?
Come here, read posts and threads, keep thinking, keep digging, and keep the goal of making each interaction with H pleasant, regardless of how he reacts. That will make a statement...that you can take the anger, let him be himself and express himself and not react.
Remember, he IS thinking of you, he IS watching, he IS testing. So, pass the test.
