andy, i think you are very wise. i have really enjoyed reading your thoughts and advice. while reading here something struck me and i thought i'd comment on it. my h now assumes every argument is because of the affairs. he thinks that when i talk about something relationship oriented it must have something to do with the affair. every mad feeling i get must be because of the affair. he in turn gets irritated and dismissive when i initiate ors because he feels he has made so many positive changes and why can't i see that. what he has trouble realizing is that our problems are pre affair. or else he wouldn't have had an affair. he doesn't get that we need to fix these pre affair problems or i will be a waw. i am so sad and frustrated. i feel lost. he makes a tiny change which seems like a huge sacrifice for him and i am suppose to call the dallas cheerleaders to do a cheer for him on our front lawn. every good thing he does is a sacrifice to me and he resents it if i don't rejoice immediately. rachael, does this resonate with you at all? i got to get of the pity pot, don't i?lisa
